Comments on: Viral 2.3 http://www.thehaikufoundation.org/2009/07/06/viral-2-3/ Mon, 06 Feb 2012 14:47:07 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3 By: Mick Toffyd (lanternfish) http://www.thehaikufoundation.org/2009/07/06/viral-2-3/comment-page-1/#comment-256 Mick Toffyd (lanternfish) Thu, 09 Jul 2009 19:39:46 +0000 http://thehaikufoundation.org/?p=3439#comment-256 I would like to remark on the *body* of this wee poem, what I sometimes call the *soundfield*, other times the *soundfeel*, though they are probably the same. I am sure other readers have noticed the play of sounds, especially the 3 OW sounds, which emphasize the shout. Their presence alone might be remarkable, but I think the interplay of vowels on a whole is what gives one an intuitive sense of the poem beyond the ambiguity which is perceivable in lines 1 and 3 also. For the purposes of this examination, it may be helpful to divide the poem into two sections: out of kindness now/ I shout at my father/ going deaf The first line has those emphatic OWs which are interspersed with EYE sounds, alternating, 3 apiece. Quite a bouquet of diphthongs, which to me leave an uneasy feeling. If you speak either of those sounds, or any diphthong, probably, you may notice it is a difficult sound to settle into, because it is two sounds yoked together and one may feel oneself, however nanobriefly, divided. They have the effect of keeping things somewhat off the ground, as it were, particularly the EYE sound, which phthongs off into EEE. But there is an abrupt change in the field/feel when the word “father” arrives with its AH sound, followed by the OH of “going” and ending with the short e of deaf. Suddenly we feel ourselves settling a bit, settling into the heart of the matter, as those sounds are, to my ear, welcoming, sounds one might chant in order to come into one’s body, into one’s heart. (Chanting EEE gets one rather excited, I would say—a good replacement for your Starbuck’s). I think it is that shift which takes us away from the ambiguity of the first line. The poet is not (though maybe he feared he could be) *lacking* compassion, rather he is coming into it. It also helps settle any doubt we may have about who is going deaf. I have concentrated on the play of vowels here, but the soundfield as I engage with it opens up a deeper feeling for the word “deaf”, how that final f trails away on the outgoing breath, as sound itself trails away, and is no longer heard. In another soundfield, the word "father" despite that relaxed AH, might lead us somewhere entirely other. After all, father is not always gentle. So for me, here, the sound of this poem is what makes it work as well as it does. It has a body made beautiful by allowing itself to be formed by deep feeling. Thank you Kevin Brophy. And this by the way, is why I read haiku. I would like to remark on the *body* of this wee poem, what I sometimes call the *soundfield*, other times the *soundfeel*, though they are probably the same. I am sure other readers have noticed the play of sounds, especially the 3 OW sounds, which emphasize the shout. Their presence alone might be remarkable, but I think the interplay of vowels on a whole is what gives one an intuitive sense of the poem beyond the ambiguity which is perceivable in lines 1 and 3 also. For the purposes of this examination, it may be helpful to divide the poem into two sections:

out of kindness now/ I shout at my

father/ going deaf

The first line has those emphatic OWs which are interspersed with EYE sounds, alternating, 3 apiece. Quite a bouquet of diphthongs, which to me leave an uneasy feeling. If you speak either of those sounds, or any diphthong, probably, you may notice it is a difficult sound to settle into, because it is two sounds yoked together and one may feel oneself, however nanobriefly, divided. They have the effect of keeping things somewhat off the ground, as it were, particularly the EYE sound, which phthongs off into EEE.

But there is an abrupt change in the field/feel when the word “father” arrives with its AH sound, followed by the OH of “going” and ending with the short e of deaf. Suddenly we feel ourselves settling a bit, settling into the heart of the matter, as those sounds are, to my ear, welcoming, sounds one might chant in order to come into one’s body, into one’s heart. (Chanting EEE gets one rather excited, I would say—a good replacement for your Starbuck’s).

I think it is that shift which takes us away from the ambiguity of the first line. The poet is not (though maybe he feared he could be) *lacking* compassion, rather he is coming into it. It also helps settle any doubt we may have about who is going deaf. I have concentrated on the play of vowels here, but the soundfield as I engage with it opens up a deeper feeling for the word “deaf”, how that final f trails away on the outgoing breath, as sound itself trails away, and is no longer heard.

In another soundfield, the word “father” despite that relaxed AH, might lead us somewhere entirely other. After all, father is not always gentle.

So for me, here, the sound of this poem is what makes it work as well as it does. It has a body made beautiful by allowing itself to be formed by deep feeling.
Thank you Kevin Brophy.

And this by the way, is why I read haiku.

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