Quicksilver
Hg4
Learning About Comparing Two Images
By Laura Sherman
When I started writing haiku I thought one just had to express an idea in three lines. I focused on one image. Now I see the nuance of comparing two distinct images. When that puzzle piece clicked into place, a new door opened up for me.
Recently, I went to North Carolina (NC) with my family for a vacation. I was thinking about haiku (and this group) while I experienced the tranquility of mountains. I have taken to heart really looking at the world and writing from my experiences, so this seemed like the perfect opportunity!
Although I swore I’d stay offline, I couldn’t help checking in with my haiku buddies. With Alan Summer’s help (although he explained that I don’t need to credit him, I can’t help but include his name) I penned this:
Lake Cherokee an echo in each breaststroke
I had started with:
pine trees line
an arm of Lake Cherokee
breaststroke echoes
then I got to:
Lake Cherokee
I can hear my breath echo
as I swim breaststroke
What do you think? Which do you like best?
Here are two more I wrote, inspired by my family and NC:
cold river water
peach juice drips from my baby’s chin
as she shivers
(When Camille was almost two, I wanted to introduce her to peaches. I found a wonderful orchard and picked a few juicy ones. I then took her to a local river I loved, which was very cold, and sat with her there, so it wouldn’t make a huge mess.)
empty bucket
blueberry picking
with my toddler
(As one might predict, toddlers want to eat blueberries, not collect them.)
As always I would love to hear your thoughts on these haiku. How would you edit them?
And if you have any haiku to share, which illustrate the concept of comparing two images, please post them here in the comment section.
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Quicksilver is a column on troutswirl, the blog for The Haiku Foundation, devoted to showcasing the questions, ideas, and evolution of a beginner to the art of haiku, Laura Sherman. Each installment will feature some of Laura’s new work as well as her ideas and thought-processes concerning them. It is hoped that readers will respond with reactions, ideas, and advice on her work and provide feedback on how she might develop and improve her craft.




