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You are here: Home / Renku Sessions / The Renku Sessions: Pilgrims' Stride 13

May 29, 2014 By John Stevenson 81 Comments

The Renku Sessions: Pilgrims' Stride 13

renkuchainWelcome to The Renku Sessions. Renku is a participatory literary game, following a set of rules that are implemented by the leader of the session. If you would like to learn more about renku go here. And if you would like to see a sample of a complete renku go here.

I’m John Stevenson, and I will serve as your guide for this session, a thirty-six verse (kasen) renku. I have supplied the opening verse (hokku) and each week I will select an additional verse from among those submitted prior to the Tuesday deadline.

Twenty poets provided a total of one hundred nine candidates for verse thirteen. Now that we have hit our stride with this renku, each week finds me making harder choices. Christopher Patchel once again offered some real contenders, particularly by moonlight / and flashlight / a Ouija seance. Though it lacks the required season word, I was intrigued by the offer of surely / there is more to life / than the moon (h. gene murtha). And, most of all, I would love to have used dreams / of the touch of moths / and moonlight by Stella Pierides and only hesitated to do so because it seems too soon after dragonflies (verse six). Perhaps we could have another flying insect deep in the second half of our renku.

Our thirteenth verse comes from kris moon. In this renku, the signature line is an important element and, in addition to the kaleidoscopic charm of the verse itself, I find it cool, indeed, to have a moon verse from the estimable kris moon, one of the people who translated the list of season words we are using!

Here is the verse you must link to:

each mirror reflects
only the cool moon
rising

    –kris moon

The next verse, the fourteenth, is also a summer verse. Since kris has given us an “all summer” season word (cool), we are free to use any summer season word or phrase for this next verse. Here are the formal requirements for verse fourteen:

  • Summer image
  • Written in two lines, without a cut
  • Linking with the thirteenth verse, and only the thirteenth verse
  • Shifting widely to a new topic and setting

Add your suggested two-line link below, in the Comments box. You have until midnight EST, Tuesday, June 3, 2014. You may submit as many verses as you like, but please use a new comment box for each one. I will announce my selection for the next link on Thursday, June 5 here on the blog, and provide information and instructions for submitting the next link.

What We’ll Be Looking For — Throughout the Session

There are many schematic outlines for a kasen renku. We will be using one set out by Professor Fukuda in his book Introduction to World-linking Renku. It will not be necessary for you to have a copy of this book since instructions will be offered before each verse is solicited.

It is a good idea for those participating in the composition of a renku to make use of the same list of season words. There are a number of these lists available and I intend no judgment of their relative value. For purposes of this session I am suggesting the use of The Five Hundred Essential Japanese Season Words.

Pilgrims’ Stride to Date

comparing maps
to the mountain pass–
pilgrims’ stride

    –John Stevenson

a sun-warmed stone bridge
over snowmelt

    –Billie Wilson

dampened soil
of seed trays
in the glasshouse

    –Margaret Beverland

grandmother’s silverware
polished every monday

    –Polona Oblak

a sonata
on the concert Steinway
played to the moon

    –Lorin Ford

dragonflies hover
by the swaying reeds

    –Karen Cesar

slight hum
of a drone
in fog

    –Alice Frampton

the atmosphere
thick with teenage pheromones

    –Norman Darlington

I stumble
trying to reply
“I plight thee my troth.”

    –Paul MacNeil

thinking of a red wig
during chemo

    –Asni Amin

the woodland
of silent stories
and shadow

    –Alan Summers

he makes a wish
to become real

    –Marion Clarke

each mirror reflects
only the cool moon
rising

    –kris moon

Filed Under: Renku Sessions

Comments

  1. Priscilla Van Valkenburgh says

    June 4, 2014 at 7:54 pm

    a rainbow prism
    appears in each lupine leaf

    Reply
  2. John Stevenson says

    June 4, 2014 at 8:16 am

    Thank you, everyone. Please check in again tomorrow!

    Reply
  3. Aalix Roake says

    June 4, 2014 at 12:32 am

    when do you fly
    caged bird?

    Reply
  4. Aalix Roake says

    June 4, 2014 at 12:31 am

    caged bird
    when do you fly?

    Reply
  5. Alice Frampton says

    June 4, 2014 at 12:11 am

    a rose climbs my trellis
    from the neighbor’s yard

    Reply
  6. Sue Richards says

    June 3, 2014 at 6:07 pm

    each moon reflects
    only the cool moon
    rising

    – kris moon

    curtains drawn back
    a moth flies to the light

    Reply
  7. Sue Richards says

    June 3, 2014 at 6:02 pm

    each mirror reflects
    only the cool moon
    rising
    -kris moon

    goldfinch shrill
    in the greening willow

    Reply
  8. Christopher Patchel says

    June 3, 2014 at 3:00 pm

    so many jellyfish
    stranded by the tide

    Reply
  9. Christopher Patchel says

    June 3, 2014 at 1:54 pm

    so many jellyfish
    stranded on the beach

    Reply
  10. Alice Frampton says

    June 3, 2014 at 10:08 am

    never having seen one
    I google a firefly

    Reply
  11. Jennifer Sutherland says

    June 3, 2014 at 9:40 am

    each mirror reflects
    only the cool moon
    rising

    –kris moon

    dumped by a wave
    onto the sand

    Reply
  12. Dru Philippou says

    June 3, 2014 at 8:37 am

    a fan riffles
    the pages of my diary

    Reply
  13. Dru Philippou says

    June 2, 2014 at 11:03 pm

    each mirror reflects
    only the cool moon
    rising

    fan riffles
    the pages of my diary

    Reply
  14. Aalix Roake says

    June 2, 2014 at 9:42 pm

    freshly-caught fish
    sizzles in the hot pan

    Reply
  15. Christopher Patchel says

    June 2, 2014 at 1:41 pm

    Avoiding the child reference:

    in bare feet
    combing for seashells

    in bare feet
    combing the beach

    Reply
  16. Christopher Patchel says

    June 2, 2014 at 11:46 am

    she sells seashells
    by the seashore

    Reply
  17. Christopher Patchel says

    June 2, 2014 at 11:45 am

    her beach pail
    full of seashells

    their beach pails
    full of seashells

    Reply
  18. Vasile Moldovan says

    June 2, 2014 at 11:16 am

    First sunbeams sharpen
    The blade of mower
    Vasile Moldovan

    Reply
  19. Alice Frampton says

    June 2, 2014 at 9:06 am

    she steps on the tightrope
    with something in her teeth

    Reply
  20. Marion Clarke says

    June 2, 2014 at 4:30 am

    each mirror reflects
    only the cool moon
    rising

    after festival weekend
    our shape in the grass

    Reply
  21. Alice Frampton says

    June 1, 2014 at 9:34 pm

    she straddles the tightrope
    with a rose in her teeth

    Reply
  22. Priscilla Van Valkenburgh says

    June 1, 2014 at 5:33 pm

    a firefly saga
    short but bright

    Reply
  23. Priscilla Van Valkenburgh says

    June 1, 2014 at 5:32 pm

    the short but brilliant
    career of a firefly

    Reply
  24. Priscilla Van Valkenburgh says

    June 1, 2014 at 5:32 pm

    in the stream’s eddy
    a trout lays her eggs

    Reply
  25. Karen Cesar says

    June 1, 2014 at 5:20 pm

    each mirror reflects
    only a cool moon
    rising

    – Kris Moon

    a putrid stench stretching out
    the midday heat

    Reply
  26. Karen Cesar says

    June 1, 2014 at 1:16 pm

    each mirror reflects
    only a cool moon
    rising

    – Kris Moon

    heat-crazed coyotes
    howling and howling

    * revised for alliteration, count and variety

    Reply
  27. Alice Frampton says

    June 1, 2014 at 12:51 pm

    Slight revision:

    a new bartender sips
    the heads off our beers

    Reply
  28. Alice Frampton says

    June 1, 2014 at 12:48 pm

    Niagara Falls shatters
    its own reflection

    Reply
  29. Alice Frampton says

    June 1, 2014 at 12:45 pm

    a new bartender sips
    the heads off our beer

    Reply
  30. Alice Frampton says

    June 1, 2014 at 12:40 pm

    our homemade ice cream
    expanding as it freezes

    Reply
  31. Alice Frampton says

    June 1, 2014 at 12:34 pm

    we eat up-side down cake
    on the old veranda

    Reply
  32. Karen Cesar says

    June 1, 2014 at 10:06 am

    each mirror reflects
    only a cool moon
    rising

    – Kris Moon

    heat-crazed dogs
    howling and howling

    Reply
  33. Patrick Sweeney says

    June 1, 2014 at 2:07 am

    each mirror reflects
    only the cool moon
    rising

    -Kris Moon

    older brother suspects
    I’ve freed his fireflies

    -Patrick Sweeney

    Reply
  34. batsword says

    June 1, 2014 at 1:06 am

    each mirror reflects
    only the cool moon
    rising

    all pathways subsumed
    by sweet fragrances

    Reply
  35. batsword says

    June 1, 2014 at 1:01 am

    each mirror reflects
    only the cool moon
    rising

    two women paddle
    through the rainbow

    Reply
  36. batsword says

    June 1, 2014 at 1:00 am

    each mirror reflects
    only the cool moon
    rising

    a call to arms
    under thunderous skies

    Reply
  37. batsword says

    June 1, 2014 at 12:59 am

    each mirror reflects
    only the cool moon
    rising

    raptors soar over
    castles in the sand

    Reply
  38. batsword says

    June 1, 2014 at 12:58 am

    each mirror reflects
    only the cool moon
    rising

    hot steamy nights
    under the fan

    Reply
  39. Aalix Roake says

    June 1, 2014 at 12:43 am

    single white iris
    in a black vase

    Reply
  40. Aalix Roake says

    June 1, 2014 at 12:38 am

    single white iris
    in a shiny black vase

    Reply
  41. Jennifer Sutherland says

    May 31, 2014 at 9:52 pm

    each mirror reflects
    only the cool moon
    rising

    –kris moon

    first prize
    in the egg and spoon race

    Reply
  42. Jennifer Sutherland says

    May 31, 2014 at 9:48 pm

    each mirror reflects
    only the cool moon
    rising

    –kris moon

    still waiting…
    the cat, the fiddle , a dish and spoon

    Reply
  43. Christopher Patchel says

    May 31, 2014 at 2:00 pm

    grass too deep
    for the lawnmower

    Reply
  44. Christopher Patchel says

    May 31, 2014 at 12:34 pm

    all eyes
    on the prize melons

    Reply
  45. Christopher Patchel says

    May 31, 2014 at 12:21 pm

    prize turnips
    at the county fair

    (Thanks for the reply, Paul)

    Reply
  46. Paul MacNeil says

    May 31, 2014 at 12:57 am

    Hi Chris (Patchel) & Lorin,
    I’m not speaking for John, only my own thoughts of renku “tradition” and practice. No doubt that I am showing ignorance along the way.

    In the sample renku (Click of M. Tiles), the 14th verse you mention, Pope, is not scheduled to be a season verse. See Bill’s Annotation, clickable from the top of the Call to this renku by John. A group, or sabaki, can certainly vary placement but in most renku forms “summer” is a single verse at a time, sometimes two, though. Here it was to be #13 and single — if the hokku was “summer” then certainly the wakiku #2, would be likewise. Possible? but rarely then the #3 daisan could be summer also. Specified in the sample work, as well as John’s “stride,” the 13th is both moon and summer. For variety’s sake one of the 3 “moon stanzas” is not autumn. The Pope stanza is the religion reference in that kasen. Usually only one such topic to a kasen. Variety in all things!

    There are no absolutes to a renku form. Closest might be the #s 17 and 35 being “blossom” and spring, and that a kasen renku will have all four seasons and Love. Note in the original classic tradition two large sheets of actual paper (4 sides) were used to inscribe a complete kasen. Not by coincidence, each of 17 & 35 are the next-to-last stanzas on pages two and three (full pages, each with 12 verses. 6 each on the front page and last one, the 4th side, back of the 2nd piece of large paper.).

    Each page, all 4 sides, then, has some special significance. There are usually three aspects of moonness, one each for the first three pages/sides. Our summer moon (#13) is the 2nd such. I expect another to be scheduled by John, following Fukuda’s model. It will fall on page three (between #19 and #30). Also note that John accepted Lorin’s lovely sonata to the moon as the 5th stanza — a “traditional” placement for first page of the first sheet of paper. Ha! Unless the hokku uses the moon and the renku is in autumn.

    So many traditions to honor. Personally I get a kick, enjoyment, out of following in the paths of the Classic Masters (Old Basho!) and the more recent leaders. If Basho used a form in say …. 1694, here we are likewise. And, he did so 320 years ago!

    Sorry for the long digression. – Paul

    Reply
  47. Christopher Patchel says

    May 30, 2014 at 11:56 pm

    spade, flashlight
    and a coffee can

    Reply
  48. Jennifer Sutherland says

    May 30, 2014 at 8:34 pm

    each mirror reflects
    only the cool moon
    rising

    –kris moon

    he struts the beach
    in budgie smugglers

    Reply
  49. Alice Frampton says

    May 30, 2014 at 8:04 pm

    the jellyfish undulates
    right up to her

    Reply
  50. Garry Eaton says

    May 30, 2014 at 4:39 pm

    Oh, there it is.

    Reply
  51. Garry Eaton says

    May 30, 2014 at 4:05 pm

    motorcycles glitter
    through wet neon streets

    I posted something like this before but it disappeared. Perhaps because I gave no last name?

    Reply
  52. Dru Philippou says

    May 30, 2014 at 12:43 pm

    each mirror reflects
    only the cool moon
    rising

    twin sisters
    in watermelon swimsuits

    Reply
  53. Alice Frampton says

    May 30, 2014 at 11:42 am

    we take an escalator
    up to the swimming pool

    Reply
  54. Alice Frampton says

    May 30, 2014 at 11:41 am

    the umpire signals
    a ground-rule double

    Reply
  55. Alice Frampton says

    May 30, 2014 at 11:40 am

    after washing my hair
    I straighten my part

    Reply
  56. Alice Frampton says

    May 30, 2014 at 11:39 am

    on identical twin day
    my cousins go barefoot

    Reply
  57. Alice Frampton says

    May 30, 2014 at 11:07 am

    one side of the parasol
    advertises insurance

    Reply
  58. Jennifer Sutherland says

    May 30, 2014 at 10:22 am

    I have a lot of second thoughts 🙂

    Reply
  59. Jennifer Sutherland says

    May 30, 2014 at 10:19 am

    on second thoughts..

    each mirror reflects
    only the cool moon
    rising

    –kris moon

    surfers wait …
    for the perfect wave

    Reply
  60. Jennifer Sutherland says

    May 30, 2014 at 10:17 am

    each mirror reflects
    only the cool moon
    rising

    –kris moon

    at dawn surfers wait
    for the perfect wave

    Reply
  61. Jennifer Sutherland says

    May 30, 2014 at 9:43 am

    each mirror reflects
    only the cool moon
    rising

    –kris moon

    i wear my sunglasses
    at night

    Corey Hart – from 1983

    Reply
  62. John Stevenson says

    May 30, 2014 at 8:45 am

    Aalix: “Shifting widely to a new topic and setting”
    are you referring to the previous linking verse or ALL the preceding verses?

    John: Both. Note that the linking statement is “Linking with the thirteenth verse, and only the thirteenth verse”

    Lorin: How is it that verse C here can be seen to add to verse A of the sequence of three? If it can be seen to add to verse A in any way, wouldn’t that indicate a major fault in the renku . . . uchikoshi the fault of returning attention to the last-but-one verse?

    John: A close linkage between non adjoining verses is a flaw. Linkage, however, is in the eye of the beholder to some degree. Since everything in existence is connected in the same way that every person is connected to Kevin Bacon within six degrees of separation, it is possible to see a link anywhere if one looks hard enough. The standard to be applied here can vary among practitioners. It’s like the rating of Sudoku puzzles – some can be easy and some fiendishly difficult. In this exercise, I am aiming more toward easy, hoping to reduce the frustration factor for relative newcomers.

    Also, not every connection within a renku amounts to “linkage.” In this regard, I quote here the first line of commentary by contest judges (hortensia anderson, Judson Evans, Bill Higginson) relating to the first prize renku in the 2005 Einbond Competition, “While it maintains variety and forward momentum, “City on the Hill” simultaneously establishes a sense of complex unity by the cross-association of several overarching themes.”

    P.S. These questions are all welcome and all helpful in the learning process. I am going to be extremely busy this week and next. In addition to full time work, I am in the final week of rehearsals for a play, in the final week of compiling entries for the Peggy Willis Lyles Haiku Awards, sponsored by The Heron’s Nest, and helping to arrange for the return of my son to the US after five years in Scotland. And, of course, I will be reading your offers and weighting them every day. I mention this in order to explain if I am unable at some point to offer a timely reply to your questions or comments.

    Reply
  63. Marion Clarke says

    May 30, 2014 at 8:13 am

    finding no fun at the fair
    he heads back to his castle

    Reply
  64. Marion Clarke says

    May 30, 2014 at 8:10 am

    another attraction
    at the candy floss stall

    Reply
  65. Marion Clarke says

    May 30, 2014 at 8:02 am

    the barman mixes me
    a melon cocktail

    Reply
  66. Asni Amin says

    May 30, 2014 at 6:51 am

    a waft of jasmine
    from her fan

    Reply
  67. Lorin says

    May 30, 2014 at 5:25 am

    ” Is there a summer reference (that I’m missing) in this verse from the sample kasen?

    Pope John Paul
    waits for the shadow”

    I don’t think so, Chris. Blowed if I could see it, if there was. (interesting verse, though… nice levels … which shadow?)

    But hey, a sample renku isn’t the same as a template renku. Sabaki / composer does have some room to move within all those rules. 😉

    (my 5 cents worth)

    – Lorin

    – Lorin

    Reply
  68. Aalix Roake says

    May 30, 2014 at 1:29 am

    gently rocking waves
    lull to slumber

    Reply
  69. Christopher Patchel says

    May 29, 2014 at 11:41 pm

    Is there a summer reference (that I’m missing) in this verse from the sample kasen?

    Pope John Paul
    waits for the shadow

    Reply
  70. Lorin says

    May 29, 2014 at 9:26 pm

    each mirror reflects
    only the cool moon
    rising

    –kris moon

    on the flip side
    a bevy of beach babes

    – Lorin Ford

    Reply
  71. Aalix Roake says

    May 29, 2014 at 9:23 pm

    rocking gently
    on the waves

    Reply
  72. Alice Frampton says

    May 29, 2014 at 9:12 pm

    I receive a concussion
    from a beer-league tackle

    Reply
  73. Garry says

    May 29, 2014 at 9:03 pm

    motorcycles glitter
    through the summer rain

    Reply
  74. Lorin says

    May 29, 2014 at 8:57 pm

    um, my typo ‘link and shirt’.., 🙂 It should’ve been ‘link and shift’, of course.

    – Lorin

    Reply
  75. Aalix Roake says

    May 29, 2014 at 7:17 pm

    Mother sings ‘Summertime’
    to her baby

    Reply
  76. Dru Philippou says

    May 29, 2014 at 5:53 pm

    children make sandcastles
    with colourful spades

    Reply
  77. Dru Philippou says

    May 29, 2014 at 5:53 pm

    the ice cream man
    combines any flavour

    Reply
  78. Lorin says

    May 29, 2014 at 5:17 pm

    “I really love kris moon’s verse, which really adds to my verse, . . . ” – Alan Summers

    Part of Alan’s statement has me confounded, but also bursting with curiosity.

    John (as sabaki) and Alan (as commentator) would you both of you be kind enough to explain?

    A
    the woodland
    of silent stories
    and shadow

    –Alan Summers

    B
    he makes a wish
    to become real

    –Marion Clarke
    C
    each mirror reflects
    only the cool moon
    rising

    –kris moon

    As I’ve understood link & shirt in renku, in a sequence of three verses such as this, whilst verse B may (& should) add to verse A by means of linkage, verse C needs to shift entirely away from verse A … in no way add to verse A or draw attention back to it. (The movement in renku being ever-forward)

    My query: a) How is it that verse C here can be seen to add to verse A of the sequence of three? If it can be seen to add to verse A in any way, wouldn’t that indicate a major fault in the renku . . . uchikoshi the fault of returning attention to the last-but-one verse?

    – Lorin

    Reply
  79. Aalix Roake says

    May 29, 2014 at 5:05 pm

    John,
    I think I know the answer to this, but
    when you say

    “Shifting widely to a new topic and setting”
    are you referring to the previous linking verse or ALL the preceeding verses?

    Reply
  80. Katherine Cudney says

    May 29, 2014 at 11:48 am

    a tang of bitter melon
    from her lips

    Reply
  81. Alan Summers says

    May 29, 2014 at 9:43 am

    There’s been so many neat verses accepted, as well as posted.

    I really love kris moon’s verse, which really adds to my verse, and Marion Clarke’s verse. Very magical.

    Oh, by the way Kris, if you are reading this, thanks again for a wonder time in Japan! 🙂

    warm regards,

    Alan

    Reply

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