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You are here: Home / Renku Sessions / The Renku Sessions: Pilgrims' Stride 16

June 19, 2014 By John Stevenson 98 Comments

The Renku Sessions: Pilgrims' Stride 16

renkuchainWelcome to The Renku Sessions. Renku is a participatory literary game, following a set of rules that are implemented by the leader of the session. If you would like to learn more about renku go here. And if you would like to see a sample of a complete renku go here.

I’m John Stevenson, and I will serve as your guide for this session, a thirty-six verse (kasen) renku. I have supplied the opening verse (hokku) and each week I will select an additional verse from among those submitted prior to the Tuesday deadline.

Twenty-five poets have offered sixty-five verse sixteen suggestions. Among the many that seemed like contenders for this slot were two by Karen Cesar (rush hour cabbies and the Central Park kibitzer), two by Terri French (a rhinestone tiara and the street mime), Stewart C Baker’s the skyscraper’s glass and a routine spacewalk, Marion Clarke’s my daughter begs me, Stella Pierides’ smells from a meth lab, Dru Philippou’s the grocery store, and Jennifer Sutherland’s calling his number. I would also include Alice Frampton’s six hundred people in this group. This and several other verses mentioned numbers. It might be a good moment to mention what I have always considered one of the curious rules of renku. Once a number is specified, any further mention of a number cannot be a lower number. Presumably this is in furtherance of the idea that the movement in a renku is always forward, never the reverse.

Our sixteenth verse comes from Jennifer Sutherland. I asked for some urban grit and it would be hard to top this sample of Lou Reed in satisfaction of that request! Also, it seems like an interesting setup for our first blossom verse.

Here is the verse you must link to:

sugar plum fairy came
and hit the streets…

    –Jennifer Sutherland

The next verse, the seventeenth, requires a spring blossom image. I will quote William J. Higginson here, “Traditionally, a renku “blossom verse” is required to include either the word “blossoms” (hana in Japanese) without naming the type (always considered to mean “cherry blossoms”) or the term “cherry blossoms” (in Japanese, sakura by itself is enough). Today, many non-Japanese renku people accept all terms here including the word “blossoms” –and other spring-blosssoming ornamentals, such as “apricot blossoms,” “apple blossoms,” and so on.– wjh” Here are the formal requirements for verse seventeen:

  • Spring blossom image
  • Written in three lines, without a cut
  • Linking with the sixteenth verse, and only the sixteenth verse
  • Shifting widely to a new topic and setting

Add your suggested three-line link below, in the Comments box. You have until midnight EST, Tuesday, June 24, 2014. You may submit as many verses as you like, but please use a new comment box for each one. I will announce my selection for the next link on Thursday, June 26 here on the blog, and provide information and instructions for submitting the next link.

What We’ll Be Looking For — Throughout the Session

There are many schematic outlines for a kasen renku. We will be using one set out by Professor Fukuda in his book Introduction to World-linking Renku. It will not be necessary for you to have a copy of this book since instructions will be offered before each verse is solicited.

It is a good idea for those participating in the composition of a renku to make use of the same list of season words. There are a number of these lists available and I intend no judgment of their relative value. For purposes of this session I am suggesting the use of The Five Hundred Essential Japanese Season Words.

Pilgrims’ Stride to Date

comparing maps
to the mountain pass–
pilgrims’ stride

    –John Stevenson

a sun-warmed stone bridge
over snowmelt

    –Billie Wilson

dampened soil
of seed trays
in the glasshouse

    –Margaret Beverland

grandmother’s silverware
polished every monday

    –Polona Oblak

a sonata
on the concert Steinway
played to the moon

    –Lorin Ford

dragonflies hover
by the swaying reeds

    –Karen Cesar

slight hum
of a drone
in fog

    –Alice Frampton

the atmosphere
thick with teenage pheromones

    –Norman Darlington

I stumble
trying to reply
“I plight thee my troth.”

    –Paul MacNeil

thinking of a red wig
during chemo

    –Asni Amin

the woodland
of silent stories
and shadow

    –Alan Summers

he makes a wish
to become real

    –Marion Clarke

each mirror reflects
only the cool moon
rising

    –kris moon

freshly-caught fish
sizzles in the pan

    –Aalix Roake

a wealthy prince
exiled in Nigeria
soliciting my help

    –Christopher Patchel

sugar plum fairy came
and hit the streets…

    –Jennifer Sutherland

Filed Under: Renku Sessions

Comments

  1. Alice Frampton says

    July 12, 2014 at 12:00 pm

    airline security
    continues the pat-down

    Reply
  2. kris moon says

    June 28, 2014 at 9:21 pm

    every surface of town
    polka-dotted with rain
    drenched blossom petals

    Reply
  3. Vinita Agrawal says

    June 26, 2014 at 1:41 am

    Yellowed and speckled
    leaf on her grey hair
    age meeting age

    Reply
  4. Garry says

    June 25, 2014 at 10:28 pm

    Looks like to stay in contention I better change mine a touch:

    blossoming bonsai
    in the dentist’s office
    minutes pass like hours

    Reply
  5. John Stevenson says

    June 25, 2014 at 8:17 am

    Thanks to everyone. Tomorrow, tomorrow!

    Reply
  6. Meli Kyriakos says

    June 24, 2014 at 1:10 pm

    sugar plum fairy came
    and hit the streets…

    – Jennifer Sutherland

    the Man
    r.i.p.
    mono no aware

    – Meli Kyriakos

    Reply
  7. Lorin says

    June 23, 2014 at 9:46 pm

    sugar plum fairy came
    and hit the streets…

    –Jennifer Sutherland

    cherry blossoms
    in the country of the blind
    by their scent

    – Lorin Ford

    Reply
  8. joel irusta says

    June 23, 2014 at 2:56 pm

    woman of the street found
    covered only in blossoms from
    the weeping cherry tree

    Reply
  9. joel irusta says

    June 23, 2014 at 2:55 pm

    woman of the street found
    covered only in blossoms
    from the weeping cherry tree

    Reply
  10. Adam Traynor says

    June 23, 2014 at 12:30 pm

    still no job
    watching
    reruns of “Blossom”

    Reply
  11. Dru Philippou says

    June 23, 2014 at 9:42 am

    girl squeals
    speeding down the slide
    with cherry blossoms

    Reply
  12. Dru Philippou says

    June 23, 2014 at 9:37 am

    three-year-old girl
    in the park removes
    a blossom from her shoe

    Reply
  13. Dru Philippou says

    June 23, 2014 at 9:36 am

    three-year-old girl
    bends over to remove
    a blossom from her shoe

    Reply
  14. Dru Philippou says

    June 23, 2014 at 8:47 am

    at the auction
    a Persian carpet with lattice
    and blossom motif

    Reply
  15. Dru Philippou says

    June 23, 2014 at 8:46 am

    during a procession
    the street is strewn
    with blossoms

    Reply
  16. Dru Philippou says

    June 23, 2014 at 8:46 am

    a cherry blossom
    bedspread hung
    from the building

    Reply
  17. Dru Philippou says

    June 23, 2014 at 8:45 am

    chef tosses
    a handful of blossoms
    over the dish

    Reply
  18. Aalix Roake says

    June 23, 2014 at 3:22 am

    blossoms fall
    clogging
    the street gutters

    Reply
  19. Aalix Roake says

    June 23, 2014 at 3:21 am

    spring blossoms
    fall onto
    the statue of General Grant

    Reply
  20. Karen Cesar says

    June 22, 2014 at 11:26 pm

    sugar plum fairy came
    and hit the streets…

    –Jennifer Sutherland

    amid scattering
    blossoms, heroin
    my heroine

    Reply
  21. Scott Mason says

    June 22, 2014 at 10:12 pm

    sugar plum fairy came
    and hit the streets…

    – Jennifer Sutherland

    a milky nimbus
    at dusk
    beneath the cherry tree

    Reply
  22. Lorin says

    June 22, 2014 at 7:32 pm

    sugar plum fairy came
    and hit the streets…

    –Jennifer Sutherland

    by their scent
    in the country of the blind
    cherry blossoms

    – Lorin Ford

    Reply
  23. Patrick Sweeney says

    June 22, 2014 at 7:29 pm

    sugar plum fairy came
    and hit the streets…

    -Jennifer Sutherland

    entering the uncanny valley
    of cascading blossoms
    with open palms

    -Patrick Sweeney

    Reply
  24. batsword says

    June 22, 2014 at 7:26 pm

    sugar plum fairy came
    and hit the streets…

    only cherry blossoms
    settle in
    the busker’s hat

    Reply
  25. batsword says

    June 22, 2014 at 7:25 pm

    sugar plum fairy came
    and hit the streets…

    wisteria wafts
    by the wishing well
    intoxicate

    Reply
  26. batsword says

    June 22, 2014 at 7:24 pm

    sugar plum fairy came
    and hit the streets…

    impossible to find
    her landlord
    through this purple haze

    Reply
  27. batsword says

    June 22, 2014 at 7:20 pm

    sugar plum fairy came
    and hit the streets…

    fledglings take off
    from brazen azaleas outside
    the derelict house

    Reply
  28. batsword says

    June 22, 2014 at 7:19 pm

    sugar plum fairy came
    and hit the streets…

    willow fluff falls
    gently onto syringes
    on the park seat

    Reply
  29. Alice Frampton says

    June 22, 2014 at 5:32 pm

    cherry petals
    blur the lines
    of hopscotch

    Reply
  30. Sue Richards says

    June 22, 2014 at 4:22 pm

    sugar plum fairy came
    and hit the streets…

    – Jennifer Sutherland

    a trail to see
    apple blossom
    in the cider county

    Reply
  31. Alice Frampton says

    June 22, 2014 at 3:11 pm

    Slight revision:

    he meets a friend
    under cherry blossoms
    in the cemetery

    Reply
  32. Alice Frampton says

    June 22, 2014 at 3:09 pm

    he meets a friend
    under the cherry blossoms
    in the cemetery

    Reply
  33. Alice Frampton says

    June 22, 2014 at 1:36 pm

    the neglected yard
    now perfect
    with cherry blossoms

    Thank you Elizabeth St Jacques

    Reply
  34. Alice Frampton says

    June 22, 2014 at 1:19 pm

    ps.
    Yes, because I guess we can’t go so far as to recognize each and every connection/link (Lou Reed and reeds). I guess we could find links just about anywhere. The longer renku must be really fascinating.

    Reply
  35. Alice Frampton says

    June 22, 2014 at 10:26 am

    Aha, the reset of seasons and sections. Yes, that makes total sense. Thanks so much!
    In all games (and life) there are rules. Nice to be going in the right direction instead of finding at the end you’ve been working your buns off going in the wrong direction . . .

    Reply
  36. Christopher Patchel says

    June 22, 2014 at 9:14 am

    Forgot we can’t name colors anymore (not that my verses are eligible at this point)

    cross-shaped
    full blossoms
    of a dogwood

    Reply
  37. Christopher Patchel says

    June 22, 2014 at 8:47 am

    cross-shaped
    white blossoms
    of a dogwood

    Reply
  38. Karen Cesar says

    June 22, 2014 at 8:28 am

    sugar plum fairy came
    and hit the streets…

    –Jennifer Sutherland

    sweet bulls
    flank to flank beneath
    the flowering pear

    * ‘sweet bull’ is a term cattle ranchers use for a bull that prefers the company of other bulls and is reluctant to mate

    Reply
  39. John Stevenson says

    June 22, 2014 at 5:58 am

    Alice,

    I’m glad you’re learning, and having fun in the process. I want to remind you, and everyone, that you are learning A renku way. There are other ways. There is no The way. This cannot be said too often. If we succeed in this experiment, there will be other leaders for other renku on this site. They will do some things a little differently. I am passing along, as well as I am able, what I have received in a mere eighteen years of renku study and practice. That is perhaps just enough to make me the one-eyed man.

    Now, to your particular question: while the overall sense of movement in a renku should be a forward movement, there are multiple series of seasonal and love verses and we “reset” as we get to each of these sequences. If our first series of love verses ended with an old pair of lovers, celebrating a golden wedding anniversary, we are free to start with love at first sight in the next sequence of love verses, which will be occurring many verses later in the renku. The same applies to sequences of seasonal verses. We do need to be careful not to create a retro movement within any of these series.

    In your particular example, I would consider the age of the grandmother less important than the specified familial relationship. I would want to wait a very long time in the renku before naming another (uncle, mother-in-law, etc.). But naming a relationship that implies age (however non-specifically) does not commit us to only depicting old people from that point forward.

    One description of renku (by Dee Evetts?) that I have always liked – it is as if we are traveling a winding river and, as we round each bend, it is still the same river but the sight of something quite different and unexpected may greet us there.

    Reply
  40. Alice Frampton says

    June 22, 2014 at 1:42 am

    the corner girls
    all wear cherry petals
    in their hair

    Reply
  41. Alice Frampton says

    June 22, 2014 at 12:29 am

    Also John,
    I’m sorry to bring up all these questions, but this is a learning renku, right?
    If renku always moves forward (numbers), and I’ve also heard this about the love verses, does this mean that once grandmother has been used then age should also move only forward? How does one know which subjects?

    Reply
  42. Alice Frampton says

    June 21, 2014 at 11:57 pm

    Thanks John,
    This has really been helpful, because I feel that you are saying that a word, taken in a phrase, as plum is, is not necessarily the linkage if the meaning is not there.
    Wow, I am really learning a lot about renku and literature in this session.

    Karen,
    I think brackets work for quoting a longer piece of information. I don’t know how to change into bold or italics, either, from my I-pad.

    Chris,
    Good catch on the word plum! I completely missed it. Thanks for bringing it up.

    IMO, I’m not a fan of a full direct quote as allusion. I feel a few words along with a slight change enhances the creativity of the offering poet. That being said, I have truly enjoyed learning that direct quotes are accepted and used in renku. That is something I did not know, and it took me by surprise. It’s a great piece of knowledge for further renku sessions. Thank you Jennifer for offering the poem. I remember the song, and it has been fun revisiting it.

    Thanks John, also, for the information about numbers. We’re going to need a number soon.

    Reply
  43. John Stevenson says

    June 21, 2014 at 7:23 pm

    Alice,

    I suppose the answer is that there can be “one or more” linkages. This is, after all, in the eye of the beholder to some degree. There may be an obvious link or two (or four) but there are, in theory at least, an endless supply of less obvious (and sometimes downright cryptic) ways of seeing a linkage. My personal rule, as a reader, is “relax.” It’s easy to spoil things for oneself (and possibly inflict that on others) by squinting too hard. I’ll just say that I would not have accepted “sugar plum fairy came” as a blossom verse. The reason for this is that it does not really contain (for me) the image of a flowering tree or bush. Since I don’t consider it a blossom verse, anything following it in the seventeenth place that I would consider a blossom verse will represent a shift for me. Others, of course, are free to see it differently and, if they do, they should write accordingly. If anyone actually sees a plum tree in flower when reading verse sixteen they may indeed have difficulty in making a verse seventeen offer. In that case, it’s perfectly OK to just watch and listen for a while and take up the pen again when it comes to writing verse eighteen.

    I may have gotten slightly off topic, Alice. It would also be fine to ignore the idea of plum/cherry and link to some other aspect of verse sixteen. I have already suggested that it could be viewed as a memorial tribute. One could link to the idea of travel, to glitz, to gay culture (being careful not to write a love verse at this point), to …. etc. The blossom in verse seventeen does not have to be the linking element. And if you do see it as a link to “plum” you can try to find a stronger link to some other element in verse sixteen.

    Reply
  44. Alice Frampton says

    June 21, 2014 at 4:32 pm

    John,

    Can you clarify something for me?
    Chris Patchel brings into the discussion the plum/cherry link. Does this mean that a verse cannot link in another way as well? How many links can a verse contain, as long as it shifts away as well?

    Reply
  45. Christopher Patchel says

    June 21, 2014 at 11:55 am

    …it’s not blossoming fruit trees that this verse precludes, but any later reference to testicles… or ballet. -Lorin

    Granted, but if I name the plum tree, or any other fruit tree, it creates a link (for me an unwanted one).

    Reply
  46. Karen Cesar says

    June 21, 2014 at 7:09 am

    sugar plum fairy came
    and hit the streets…

    –Jennifer Sutherland

    dirty needles
    and cigarette butts swept up
    with the blossoms

    Reply
  47. Karen Cesar says

    June 21, 2014 at 7:05 am

    Lorin,
    How are you getting the system to accept bold, italic etc.?

    Thanks,
    Karen

    Reply
  48. Karen Cesar says

    June 21, 2014 at 6:55 am

    sugar plum fairy came
    and hit the streets…

    –Jennifer Sutherland

    dirty needles
    and cigarette butts
    swept up with the blossoms

    Reply
  49. Lorin says

    June 21, 2014 at 5:19 am

    sugar plum fairy came
    and hit the streets…

    –Jennifer Sutherland

    the apparition
    of these faces in the crowd;
    petals on a wet black bough

    – Lorin Ford (channeling Ezra Pound)

    Reply
  50. Lorin says

    June 21, 2014 at 4:57 am

    In case I’m being obscure: in my view it’s not blossoming fruit trees that this verse precludes, but any later reference to testicles… or ballet.

    – Lorin

    Reply
  51. Lorin says

    June 21, 2014 at 4:50 am

    Though it is part of Lou Reed’s lyrics (for ‘Walk on the Wild Side’), ‘sugar plum fairy’ isn’t a reference to blossoming fruit trees or candied fruit or music, but to another art form which happens to be set to music: ballet. Cleverly … & hilariously 🙂 (& no doubt an intentional allusion on Lou Reed’s part) the Sugar Plum Fairy features in ‘The Nutcracker Suite’. 🙂

    I don’t think I need to spell ‘nutcracker’ out any further in context of Lou Reed’s lyrics in WotWS. 😉

    -Lorin

    Reply
  52. Dru Philippou says

    June 20, 2014 at 11:37 pm

    Chris says:

    “Love the Lou Reed link (an earlier offering of mine was a quote from an ad). My only concern was the music repeat (repetition being an issue with a good many of the verses we’ve offered). That, and I wish it didn’t include ‘plum’ since the next verse already involves fruit trees.”

    Good point about “fruit tree” and “music” repetitions. Hmm!

    Reply
  53. Dru Philippou says

    June 20, 2014 at 11:36 pm

    Chris says:

    “Love the Lou Reed link (an earlier offering of mine was a quote from an ad). My only concern was the music repeat (repetition being an issue with a good many of the verses we’ve offered). That, and I wish it didn’t include ‘plum’ since the next verse already involves fruit trees.”

    Good point about “fruit tree” repetition. Hmm!

    Reply
  54. Dru Philippou says

    June 20, 2014 at 11:34 pm

    blossoms pressed
    between the pages
    of her memoir

    Reply
  55. Dru Philippou says

    June 20, 2014 at 11:12 pm

    blossoms tossed
    on the stage as actor
    takes a curtain call

    Might be too close to Shakespeare verse.

    Reply
  56. Karen Cesar says

    June 20, 2014 at 9:34 pm

    “Thank you for pointing out the difference between ORDINARY LANGUAGE and VERBAL ART to us clueless types , Karen Cesar. We probably have poor eyesight or poor reading skills, too, so you might’ve had kind motives in using ALL CAPS, though there will be those simple folk who will consider it to be SHOUTING.” – Loren Ford

    Loren,
    The quote you attribute to me above is part of the section on allusion from The Cambridge Handbook of Stylistics. Since it is impossible to bold text to highlight it in these comment sections, I chose to capitalize the text to draw particular attention to it.

    If you took that as shouting, I apologize.

    Since you have now had the last word on the subject let us get back to writing and enjoying renku, shall we?

    Karen

    * BTW, I made a mistake in my own comments below the quote from The Cambridge Handbook of Stylistics. Jennifer’s verse was for # 15 not # 16. Sorry for my poor proof reading skills.

    Reply
  57. Alice Frampton says

    June 20, 2014 at 9:18 pm

    cherry blossoms
    floating on a breeze
    in Harlem

    Reply
  58. Lorin says

    June 20, 2014 at 8:55 pm

    “In the meantime, Karen Cesar has correctly identified the source as “Walk on the Wild Side” by Lou Reed.” – John

    Jennifer herself identified the source as “Walk on the Wild Side” by supplying a link to the song on YouTube in her original post. Anyone who read the thread is aware of that. Why not give credit where credit is due?

    “Both her verse and Jennifer‘s employ the technique of allusion. The reader is expected to infer the source material from what is presented. ” – Karen Cesar

    “Hmmm … usually, we don’t designate direct quoting as ‘allusion’ (though I’m not USA-educated so for all I know, the distinction may be lost in that case) However, direct quoting has been and is used in renku. I’d say John has fixed the problem by rendering the verse in italics now. One could also have a footnote acknowledging Lou Reed’s song as source … & I’d recommend that. Jennifer showed source when she posted the verse; not showing source in final credits seems a form of snobbery.” – Lorin

    “THAT MAY BE THE CASE IN ORDINARY LANGUAGE USAGE. BUT IN VERBAL ART, WE COMMONLY REFER TO DIRECT QUOTES AS ALLUSIONS ALSO.” – Karen Cesar

    Thank you for pointing out the difference between ORDINARY LANGUAGE and VERBAL ART to us clueless types , Karen Cesar. We probably have poor eyesight or poor reading skills, too, so you might’ve had kind motives in using ALL CAPS, though there will be those simple folk who will consider it to be SHOUTING.

    My intention was not to engage in academic discussions or point-scoring, but to suggest that, to the general reader, insufficient distinction between the way the quoted section is displayed and acknowledged could lead to the incorrect conclusion that the verse is plagiarized. To this end, referring to the quote as allusion in a general discussion simply muddies the waters.

    Of course the quote alludes to the full context of the ‘Walk on the Wild Side’ lyrics, which as well as evoking an urban scenario, links with the purported ‘wealthy Nigerian prince’ via drag queens & trannies: also people whose real identity isn’t what it appears to be. (We have that scene here in Melbourne, too ,ya know.)

    I will add that whilst I’ve seen quoted verses within renku before, such verses were all attributed to the original author, not to the person who suggested the quote. My experience with renku is far from being wide, though so thus may not be typical. Also I can understand in this particular renku that it’s desirable to have the names of the participants rather than the dead, original authors.

    – Lorin

    Reply
  59. Asni Amin says

    June 20, 2014 at 8:28 pm

    falling blossoms
    and he reaches for
    his inhaler

    P.S. I love the allusion to Lou Reed’s song that Jennifer Sutherland submitted for verse 16.

    Reply
  60. Christopher Patchel says

    June 20, 2014 at 6:22 pm

    but this year
    the old cherry
    in bloom again

    Love the Lou Reed link (an earlier offering of mine was a quote from an ad). My only concern was the music repeat (repetition being an issue with a good many of the verses we’ve offered). That, and I wish it didn’t include ‘plum’ since the next verse already involves fruit trees.

    Reply
  61. Karen Cesar says

    June 20, 2014 at 5:05 pm

    “Folks
    I’m glad you are–seemingly– enjoying what you’re doing, but really, using Reed’s words as a submission and then to have it selected as a legitimate piece of the game is outrageous. If there is precedent relative to renku in Japanese society, I decline to exploit it…pajamas

    P.S. Embarrassing is it not, those of us who think we are channeling Japan itself…” — Old Pajamas

    ***

    Old Pajamas,

    No one is “channeling Japan itself …”

    Are you aware that Lou Reed rewrote Poe’s The Raven ?

    “The trouble with Poe was that his language is so serious — the vocabulary — the words he’s using — some of those words were arcane when he used them — and then, architectural terms from Greece. And I, dutifully sitting there with the dictionary, looking all of this up and thinking, certainly, in a song or on the album I don’t want to have [things like this] in there — you can just as easily use a word someone knows what it means. … For him, great. For me, no. I spent most of the time translating them into English before even starting, but I couldn’t wait to rewrite “The Raven,” the poem. Mine is like a contemporary version of it, and we have a graphic novel out … illustrated by this great Italian artist, Lorenzo Mattotti. … Making things that are beautiful is real fun.” – Lou Reed

    http://www.brainpickings.org/index.php/2013/12/02/the-raven-lou-reed-lorenzo-mattotti/

    Reed’s version of The Raven from youtube :

    http://youtu.be/7t6Wc8ww64I

    Outrageous? An “exploitation” of Poe? Nope … takes my breath away….

    And then there is Pete Seeger whose song Turn,Turn,Turn comes straight out of Ecclesiastes …. etc etc etc

    Just sayin’

    Karen

    PS In the spirit of fun:

    Green Eggs and Ham –
    with postmodern angst
    bored I am

    Karen Cesar, Modern Haiku, summer 2013

    Reply
  62. Tricia Knoll says

    June 20, 2014 at 3:17 pm

    the mock orange
    slow to open scent
    a split path

    Reply
  63. joel irusta says

    June 20, 2014 at 2:17 pm

    the violent wind threw
    the blossoms onto the street
    and the child was conceived

    Reply
  64. joel irusta says

    June 20, 2014 at 2:16 pm

    the violent wind threw
    the blossoms onto the street
    and the baby was born

    Reply
  65. joel irusta says

    June 20, 2014 at 2:14 pm

    the violent wind threw
    the blossoms onto the street
    as the old lady died

    Reply
  66. Dru Philippou says

    June 20, 2014 at 1:57 pm

    my new neighbour’s
    orange blossoms shafted
    with sunlight

    Reply
  67. Dru Philippou says

    June 20, 2014 at 1:55 pm

    Old Pajamas, whoever you are!

    If I am honest, then I tend to agree with you. However, I don’t fully understand the ins and outs of renku. There’s nothing in the two-liner that comes from the writer? So this does not sit well with me. I don’t know how else to put it.

    Reply
  68. old pajamas says

    June 20, 2014 at 1:43 pm

    Folks
    I’m glad you are–seemingly– enjoying what you’re doing, but really, using Reed’s words as a submission and then to have it selected as a legitimate piece of the game is outrageous. If there is precedent relative to renku in Japanese society, I decline to exploit it…pajamas

    P.S. Embarrassing is it not, those of us who think we are channeling Japan itself…

    Reply
  69. Karen Cesar says

    June 20, 2014 at 11:08 am

    all the more i wish to see
    in those blossoms at dawn
    the face of god

    – Matsuo Basho

    (Tr. Makoto Ueda.
    Dr. Gabi Greve, WKD.)

    (the link to the Lou Reed “verse” is uncanny)

    Devora

    * WONDERFUL comment, Devora. Thank you.

    Reply
  70. Karen Cesar says

    June 20, 2014 at 11:06 am

    Sorry, the system didn’t pick up my final quotation mark.

    “mmm … usually, we don’t designate direct quoting as ‘allusion’ (though I’m not USA-educated so for all I know, the distinction may be lost in that case)” – Loren Ford

    “In my view, Jennifer’s was an inspired selection, and works very well here. There is an art to quoting in context and that art should never be underestimated. But let’s call quoting ‘quoting’, and not by any other name in this slippery world of 21st century literature.” – Loren Ford

    From The Cambridge Handbook of Stylistics, Cambridge University Press, (emphasis using caps mine):

    Allusion

    ” As already noted, allusion is based on an ordinary language concept and as such it is relatively theory-neutral. A concise, fairly standard definition is offered by Frye et al. (1985:15):
    ‘ a meaningful reference, direct or indirect.’ THAT MAY BE THE CASE IN ORDINARY LANGUAGE USAGE. BUT IN VERBAL ART, WE COMMONLY REFER TO DIRECT QUOTES AS ALLUSIONS ALSO. For example, we are likely to take Stephen Dedalus’s quotation of ‘Who Goes with Fergus ?’ as an allusion by Joyce even though there is a direct quote… ”

    To be more exact (or pedantic), Jennifer IMNSHO used a direct QUOTE to REFER to the Lou Reed song to INVOKE the “strong urban image” that John requested for verse 16. Hence … ALLUSION.

    I agree that it was an Inspired selection.

    Back to Renku

    Cheers,
    Karen

    Reply
  71. Karen Cesar says

    June 20, 2014 at 11:03 am

    “mmm … usually, we don’t designate direct quoting as ‘allusion’ (though I’m not USA-educated so for all I know, the distinction may be lost in that case)” – Loren Ford

    “In my view, Jennifer’s was an inspired selection, and works very well here. There is an art to quoting in context and that art should never be underestimated. But let’s call quoting ‘quoting’, and not by any other name in this slippery world of 21st century literature.” – Loren Ford

    From The Cambridge Handbook of Stylistics, Cambridge University Press, (emphasis using caps mine):

    Allusion

    ” As already noted, allusion is based on an ordinary language concept and as such it is relatively theory-neutral. A concise, fairly standard definition is offered by Frye et al. (1985:15):
    ‘ a meaningful reference, direct or indirect.’ THAT MAY BE THE CASE IN ORDINARY LANGUAGE USAGE. BUT IN VERBAL ART, WE COMMONLY REFER TO DIRECT QUOTES AS ALLUSIONS ALSO. For example, we are likely to take Stephen Dedalus’s quotation of ‘Who Goes with Fergus ?’ as an allusion by Joyce even though there is a direct quote…
    To be more exact (or pedantic), Jennifer IMNSHO used a direct QUOTE to REFER to the Lou Reed song to INVOKE the “strong urban image” that John requested for verse 16. Hence … ALLUSION.

    I agree that it was an Inspired selection.

    Back to Renku

    Cheers,
    Karen

    Reply
  72. devora says

    June 20, 2014 at 10:04 am

    all the more i wish to see
    in those blossoms at dawn
    the face of god

    – Matsuo Basho

    (Tr. Makoto Ueda.
    Dr. Gabi Greve, WKD.)

    (the link to the Lou Reed “verse” is uncanny)

    Devora

    Reply
  73. Dru Philippou says

    June 20, 2014 at 10:01 am

    apricot blossoms
    unfurl in a teapot
    as the centrepiece

    Reply
  74. Dru Philippou says

    June 20, 2014 at 9:31 am

    bride and groom
    showered with
    cherry blossoms

    Reply
  75. Jennifer Sutherland says

    June 20, 2014 at 8:39 am

    sugar plum fairy came
    and hit the streets…

    Lou Reed

    bees swarm
    from the blossom
    to the hive

    Reply
  76. John Stevenson says

    June 20, 2014 at 8:36 am

    Jennifer (and eveyone): I have removed the post referred to. It does seem to be spam and, in any case, does not relate to our renku.

    Thank you for your verse, Jennifer, invoking the great Lou Reed! It is you who have reminded us of him at this moment in the renku and I thank you, and credit you, for that.

    In linking to Jennifer’s verse, one approach might be to think of it as a kind of memorial (Lou Reed passed away on October 27 of last year). The transition to blossom(s) seems full of potential.

    Reply
  77. Jennifer Sutherland says

    June 20, 2014 at 7:55 am

    Hi John & all,
    I think we have some spam in the post below. Just in case I recommend not clicking on the posters name. Not sure if this can be removed ?

    One possible suggestion is to attribute the verse directly to Lou Reed within the renku. Not sure if that is appropriate? I certainly don’t mind as I posted the verse partly because because it seemed to fit so well and also as a tribute to one of the most influential songwriters/storytellers of our century. I think he would have made a brilliant renku poet too!

    Reply
  78. John Stevenson says

    June 20, 2014 at 6:14 am

    There will be a footnote in the final version of the renku to correctly reflect the source of the sampled (or quoted) material but I’m going to leave it off for now and save any such notes for the completed text. In the meantime, Karen Cesar has correctly identified the source as “Walk on the Wild Side” by Lou Reed.

    Reply
  79. Alan Summers says

    June 20, 2014 at 5:18 am

    Hi John,

    The italics show up clearly on Jennifer’s link (verse), and it’s great to have the odd quote in renku, as it is in other poetry whether haiku or non-haikai related poetry, or other literature.

    I always use blossom as plural as blossoms sometimes looks odd to me, like saying two fishes, or even half a dozen sheeps. 😉

    Enjoyable thread of commentary. As this isn’t ‘live’ and in person, good banter is really helpful. 🙂

    warm regards to everyone,

    Alan

    Reply
  80. Lorin says

    June 19, 2014 at 9:17 pm

    “Both her verse and Jennifer ‘s employ the technique of allusion. The reader is expected to infer the source material from what is presented. ” – Karen Cesar

    Hmmm … usually, we don’t designate direct quoting as ‘allusion’ (though I’m not USA-educated so for all I know, the distinction may be lost in that case) However, direct quoting has been and is used in renku. I’d say John has fixed the problem by rendering the verse in italics now. One could also have a footnote acknowledging Lou Reed’s song as source … & I’d recommend that. Jennifer showed source when she posted the verse; not showing source in final credits seems a form of snobbery.

    In my view, Jennifer’s was an inspired selection, and works very well here. There is an art to quoting in context and that art should never be underestimated. But let’s call quoting ‘quoting’, and not by any other name in this slippery world of 21st century literature.

    “I didn’t know about that variation on the plural form of “blossom.” (Or is the version with which I am familiar [“blossoms”] the “variation?”) ” – John

    It’s not a variation on the plural, John, but ‘blossom’ can be an uncountable or collective noun (like ‘money’ etc) in English. Both Canadian and USA Englishes don’t seem to have this usage, as I discovered when I was first sending haiku out to journals for consideration. 🙂

    If we say the bough was weighed down with blossom, we don’t mean one humungous blossom! For it be be one blossom weighing down that branch, we’d need to use an article. Plural is ‘blossoms’, just as it is in Canadian & USA Englishes: ” There are fewer blossoms on the old orange tree this year” = plural usage. ” The bride traditionally wore orange blossom on her veil.” = collective or uncountable. “We’re going to the orchard to view the cherry blossom.” = collective/ uncountable.

    – Lorin

    Reply
  81. John Stevenson says

    June 19, 2014 at 8:33 pm

    Not sure how well it shows in this font but the verse is now displayed in italics.

    Marion: I didn’t know about that variation on the plural form of “blossom.” (Or is the version with which I am familiar [“blossoms”] the “variation?”) Thanks for the heads-up.

    Reply
  82. Karen Cesar says

    June 19, 2014 at 8:11 pm

    Devora,

    Marion’s verse deliberately alludes to Pinnochio.

    Both her verse and Jennifer ‘s employ the technique of allusion. The reader is expected to infer the source material from what is presented.

    I agree that Jennifer’s verse should be italicized because it would signal those of us unfamiliar with Lou Reed and the song here: http://www.metrolyrics.com/walk-on-the-wild-side-lyrics-lou-reed.html that her verse it is a direct quote.

    There are other songs from the period I would expect most people of a given age to recognize. This one I think would be recalled by a smaller audience, but then, I’ve never been much of a music person.

    Pinocchio could be considered general knowledge, Lou Reed not so much.

    What makes Jennifer’s verse unique is context, the way it links with the previous verse. The poetry in a Renku is formed between the verses ….

    Paul MacNeil’s verse:

    I stumble
    trying to reply
    “I plight thee my troth.”

    –Paul MacNeil

    uses a line from the wedding vows to show a wedding is taking place. You didn’t think Paul wrote “I plight thee my troth,” did you?

    I consider ALL of these verses to be original. Some in their wording, others in how someone else’s wording is used within a given context. Plagiarism is only an issue when someone represents another’s work as their own. This is NOT the case here.

    ****
    “Allusion is a figure of speech, in which one refers covertly or indirectly to an object or circumstance from an external context.[1] It is left to the reader or hearer to make the connection …”

    1″A covert, implied or indirect reference” (OED); Carmela Perri explored the extent to which an allusion may be overt, in “On alluding” Poetics 7 (1978), and M. H. Abrams defined allusion as “a brief reference, explicit or indirect, to a person, place or event, or to another literary work or passage”. (Abrams, A Glossary of Literary Terms 1971, s.v. “Allusion”).

    “Martin Luther King, Jr., alluded to the Gettysburg Address in starting his “I Have a Dream” speech by saying ‘Five score years ago…”; his hearers were immediately reminded of Abraham Lincoln’s “Four score and seven years ago”, which opened the Gettysburg Address. King’s allusion effectively called up parallels in two historic moments without overwhelming his speech with details. ” ( example from wiki article)

    http://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Allusion

    Reply
  83. devora says

    June 19, 2014 at 5:29 pm

    Alice,

    I am glad you talked about quoting someone else’s work.

    While John said that [he knows] “of no rule against quoting a known source in renku,” it also means that this is the second verse chosen that is not entirely an original,* which, imho, rather weakens the renku, and devalues the hard work of the other poets’ creative efforts. Quoting another’s work (especially without attribution) seems much easier. Had I known it [is] “done many times,” I would have saved myself the many, many drafts I struggled over. Oh, and it now makes me more appreciative and admiring of the originals that have been submitted.

    * he makes a wish
    to become real
    (Pinocchio’s wish to become a real boy.)

    Reply
  84. Marion Clarke says

    June 19, 2014 at 5:05 pm

    We use ‘blossom’ for the plural noun here, but would it be ‘blossoms’ outside of the UK and Ireland?

    looking for blossoms
    and a place
    to dream

    Reply
  85. Marion Clarke says

    June 19, 2014 at 5:00 pm

    sugar plum fairy came
    and hit the streets

    –Jennifer Sutherland

    looking for blossom
    and a place
    to dream

    Reply
  86. joel irusta says

    June 19, 2014 at 4:12 pm

    accordion music playing wildly
    as young men drink beer
    intoxicated by blossom’s fragrance

    Reply
  87. joel irusta says

    June 19, 2014 at 4:10 pm

    accordion music playing
    as lovers dance close
    the blossoms notes in the air

    Reply
  88. Alice Frampton says

    June 19, 2014 at 3:03 pm

    slight revision:

    blossoms blowing
    behind a barbershop
    in beantown

    Reply
  89. h gene murtha says

    June 19, 2014 at 2:43 pm

    annoyed
    by the cherry blossoms
    in my hair

    Reply
  90. Alice Frampton says

    June 19, 2014 at 1:30 pm

    blossoms blow
    behind a barbershop
    in bean town

    Reply
  91. Alice Frampton says

    June 19, 2014 at 1:06 pm

    Thanks John!
    I never knew that. Seems strange to me . . . we’re always so worried here about plagiarism. Should it be italicized?

    Reply
  92. Vasile Moldovan says

    June 19, 2014 at 12:54 pm

    spring wakening-
    a peach of a girl with
    another flower in hair

    Vasile Moldovan

    Reply
  93. Vasile Moldovan says

    June 19, 2014 at 12:49 pm

    a lone flower
    or the ikebana
    this is the question
    Vasile Moldovan

    Reply
  94. Vasile Moldovan says

    June 19, 2014 at 12:47 pm

    sugar plum fairy came
    and hit the streets
    Jennifer Sutherland

    Woman’s Day-
    blossoms for mother-in-low
    buds for wife
    Vasile Moldovan

    Reply
  95. John Stevenson says

    June 19, 2014 at 11:37 am

    Alice – I’m in Penn Station at the moment, on my way to a lunch meeting so will be brief in this reply. I know of no rule against quoting a known source in renku. Have seen it done many times. We do have music and story but not other striking elements of the verse. In my opinion, more important concerns eliminated other strong contenders. Articles do not exist in the Japanese language and there are no rules about their use though we do try to keep them from becoming repetitious in English.

    Reply
  96. Garry Eaton says

    June 19, 2014 at 11:20 am

    sugar plum fairy came
    and hit the streets . . .
    -Jennifer Sutherland

    flowering bonsai
    in the dentist’s office
    minutes pass like hours

    Reply
  97. Alice Frampton says

    June 19, 2014 at 11:19 am

    John,

    Can you explain why something verbatim can be used here? This is straight from the song . . .
    Besides that, we already have song and story. Looking forward to learning more.
    Thanks for the rule about numbers. Does that go for “a” meaning one after a number is used?

    Reply
  98. Karen Cesar says

    June 19, 2014 at 10:59 am

    sugar plum fairy came
    and hit the streets…

    –Jennifer Sutherland

    strangers smile
    and nod beneath the cherry’s
    short-lived bloom

    Reply

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