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You are here: Home / Renku Sessions / The Renku Sessions: Pilgrims' Stride 24a

August 21, 2014 By John Stevenson 77 Comments

The Renku Sessions: Pilgrims' Stride 24a

renkuchainWelcome to The Renku Sessions. Renku is a participatory literary game, following a set of rules that are implemented by the leader of the session. If you would like to learn more about renku go here. And if you would like to see a sample of a complete renku go here.

I’m John Stevenson, and I will serve as your guide for this session, a thirty-six verse (kasen) renku. I have supplied the opening verse (hokku) and each week I will select an additional verse from among those submitted prior to the Tuesday deadline.

My error in the previous selection for this verse has required us to “hit the reset button” for verse twenty-four. In case anyone missed this last week, I made an error by selecting a verse containing a spring season word from our list when a winter season word was required. While imperfections are to be expected in the composition of a renku, my error in this case was so immense that it required immediate reconsideration and a new selection. I hope all of you will join me in thanking Polona Oblak for catching this before we got any further down the road. And thanks, also, to jerry julius for a great verse that, regrettably, we will have to forgo after all.

Aside from the overt error in my last selection, concerns have been raised that I am being inconsistent in my choices. While Lorin Ford is the poet who presented this idea, I imagine she is not alone in thinking so. It might be good if I explained my thinking in more detail than I have until now. So, I will take this opportunity to be clearer about what may seem like contradictions between what I am saying and what I am doing with my selections.

Question: In what way have I been absolutely consistent in my selections for every verse, so far?

Answer: I have included a new participant in the renku with each new verse.

These sessions were not originally my idea and I did not have a clear vision of them before we began our work together. Although I’ve written many renku, I find that attempting one under these circumstances is significantly different from anything I’ve done before. My sense of our current process and how it relates to renku as I have experienced it in other settings is changing as I learn from this new experience. Similarly, my sense of goals and what may be reasonably achieved here is changing.

What has emerged as most important to me is inclusiveness. If we could complete a kasen renku with thirty-six authors that would be great, especially if a large portion of them were new or relatively new to renku. But this may not be possible. We may not have new poets to consider all the way through verse thirty-six. And a second but still important consideration/goal for the sessions is presenting a fair (but not excruciatingly finite) representation of the rules of the game of renku.

In the Pilgrims’ Stride 23 post I indicated that I may soon have to use a verse from someone already included in the renku. If it wasn’t clear then, let me make it clear now that I am reluctant to do that. I have, on several occasions, reiterated various aspects of the “rules of the game” and then selected something that in some ways did not adhere to all of my instructions. These reiterations of the instructions are not for the benefit of those participants who are already experienced in renku, who I expect will follow the rules without my coaching. They are repeated in the hope that new and relatively new participants will pick them up, however imperfectly, little by little, so that I can continue to make progress toward my priority of inclusiveness.

What then is to encourage continued participation by poets who have already been included? This is a fair question. I would hope that some will say that it is simply fun to keep playing. And there is the chance that it will become necessary at some point to select a second verse from someone, despite my desire to continue welcoming new participants. Since I am making the rules a second priority, I can see how a few experienced participants may feel that they are not being served by these sessions and may feel disinclined to participate further. I hope there will be no hard feelings about this. It is just that my sense of what we can accomplish has evolved through the first two thirds of this experiment. Renku could be much more widely practiced among English-language poets. One of the things that I see as a turnoff for newcomers is a burdensome overemphasis on the rules in the first encounters, as if the rules were the most important thing when it is actually the creative and collaborative interplay of poets that matters first and most. This is not a masters class. If it were, an ever finer focus on the rules and other subtleties of the genre might be in order. I plan to continue to state and restate various aspects of the rules of the game but I plan to continue to apply them with soft hands, in the hope of encouraging new renku poets. I can’t expect everyone to like that but I hope it is at least clearer now what I am trying to do. And I do hope that most of you who have no guarantee of placing a second verse will simply enjoy the game and continue to “play along.” Your creative presence here is a real asset.

My new selection for verse twenty-four comes from Carole MacRury. In view of the need to start over on this verse, the image of resurfacing an ice rink, by clearing away the debris of the earlier portion of a game, seems irresistible. “Ice” is listed as “late winter” in our season word list. I checked this time.

Here is the verse you must link to:

scraping the ice rink
of blood, sweat and tears

    –Carole MacRury

The next verse, the twenty-fifth, is non-seasonal and will be followed by our final set of love verses. The challenge here is to “set up” the love verses without actually writing a love verse. Here are the formal requirements for verse twenty-five:

  • Non-seasonal image (should not include words or phrases from our season word list)
  • Written in three lines, without a cut
  • Linking with the twenty-fourth verse, and only the twenty-fourth verse
  • Shifting widely to a new topic and setting

Add your suggested three-line link below, in the Comments box. You have until midnight EST, Tuesday, August 26, 2014. You may submit as many verses as you like, but please use a new comment box for each one. I will announce my selection for the next link on Thursday, August 28 here on the blog, and provide information and instructions for submitting the next link.

What We’ll Be Looking For — Throughout the Session

There are many schematic outlines for a kasen renku. We will be using one set out by Professor Fukuda in his book Introduction to World-linking Renku. It will not be necessary for you to have a copy of this book since instructions will be offered before each verse is solicited.

It is a good idea for those participating in the composition of a renku to make use of the same list of season words. There are a number of these lists available and I intend no judgment of their relative value. For purposes of this session I am suggesting the use of The Five Hundred Essential Japanese Season Words.

Pilgrims’ Stride to Date

comparing maps
to the mountain pass–
pilgrims’ stride

    –John Stevenson

a sun-warmed stone bridge
over snowmelt

    –Billie Wilson

dampened soil
of seed trays
in the glasshouse

    –Margaret Beverland

grandmother’s silverware
polished every monday

    –Polona Oblak

a sonata
on the concert Steinway
played to the moon

    –Lorin Ford

dragonflies hover
by the swaying reeds

    –Karen Cesar

slight hum
of a drone
in fog

    –Alice Frampton

the atmosphere
thick with teenage pheromones

    –Norman Darlington

I stumble
trying to reply
“I plight thee my troth.”

    –Paul MacNeil

thinking of a red wig
dur
ing chemo

    –Asni Amin

the woodland
of silent stories
and shadow

    –Alan Summers

he makes a wish
to become real

    –Marion Clarke

each mirror reflects
only the cool moon
rising

    –kris moon

freshly-caught fish
sizzles in the pan

    –Aalix Roake

a wealthy prince
exiled in Nigeria
soliciting my help

    –Christopher Patchel

sugar plum fairy came
and hit the streets…

    –Jennifer Sutherland

a milky nimbus
at dusk
beneath the cherry tree

    –Scott Mason

pulling in spring clouds
with a telephoto lens

    –Dru Philippou

plain truth
of a skylark’s
song

    –Stella Pierides

our yoga instructor
tells us to breathe

    –Priscilla Van Valkenburgh

smoldering dung cakes
burning in the blackened pit
flavors the curry

    –Betty Shropshire

the family’s grudge
celebrates a century

    –batsword

first snowfall
covering little by little
all the dirt

    –Vasile Moldovan

scraping the ice rink
of blood, sweat and tears

    –Carole MacRury

Filed Under: Renku Sessions

Comments

  1. John Stevenson says

    August 27, 2014 at 7:20 am

    Thank you, everyone. Lots of options this time. Please check in again tomorrow!

    Reply
  2. joel irusta says

    August 26, 2014 at 9:21 am

    colored pencils move
    boldly across the parchment
    revealing their thoughts

    Reply
  3. Aalix Roake says

    August 25, 2014 at 6:48 pm

    throwing her arms
    around them all
    just to be kind

    Reply
  4. Betty Shropshire says

    August 25, 2014 at 11:32 am

    Elysium beckons
    from a roulette table
    sober somehow

    Reply
  5. Betty Shropshire says

    August 25, 2014 at 10:49 am

    Horace seizes
    the day long shot
    with hourglass figures

    Reply
  6. Betty Shropshire says

    August 25, 2014 at 8:56 am

    Horace
    seizes the day
    after a while

    Reply
  7. joel irusta says

    August 25, 2014 at 8:35 am

    words spoken harshly
    with a slap across the cheek
    as lives break apart

    Reply
  8. joel irusta says

    August 25, 2014 at 8:32 am

    words spoken loudly
    with a slap across the cheek
    as lives break apart

    Reply
  9. Hansha Teki says

    August 25, 2014 at 4:20 am

    eye to eye
    over the veneer
    of grace

    Reply
  10. Ellen Grace Olinger says

    August 24, 2014 at 7:48 pm

    scraping the ice rink
    of blood, sweat and tears

    – Carole MacRury

    we write this day
    in the notebook
    we all share

    Reply
  11. Christopher Patchel says

    August 24, 2014 at 7:26 pm

    male leads
    in classic films
    on a blooper reel

    Reply
  12. Christopher Patchel says

    August 24, 2014 at 6:15 pm

    oops

    stunt double
    for the action star’s
    running scene

    Reply
  13. Christopher Patchel says

    August 24, 2014 at 4:56 pm

    stunt double
    the action hero’s
    running scene

    Reply
  14. Betty Shropshire says

    August 24, 2014 at 11:30 am

    alphabet letters
    on the fridge
    spell I know

    Reply
  15. Karen Cesar says

    August 24, 2014 at 11:12 am

    scraping the ice rink
    of blood, sweat and tears

    –Carole MacRury

    released from
    witness protection
    with new identities

    Reply
  16. Terri French says

    August 24, 2014 at 10:16 am

    the sting
    of a paper cut
    on her tongue

    (or I suppose it could be his tongue!)

    Reply
  17. Terri French says

    August 24, 2014 at 9:40 am

    the sound
    of her fingernails
    tapping on glass

    Reply
  18. Betty Shropshire says

    August 24, 2014 at 9:13 am

    alphabet letters
    on the fridge spell out just watch
    the kids okay

    Reply
  19. Betty Shropshire says

    August 24, 2014 at 8:59 am

    cracked ceramic smile
    stored in the bin
    laughs brokenly

    Reply
  20. jerry julius says

    August 24, 2014 at 8:53 am

    duel over
    a legend told
    in scars

    Reply
  21. jerry julius says

    August 24, 2014 at 8:52 am

    John Henry
    rests his hammer
    miles to go

    Reply
  22. Betty Shropshire says

    August 24, 2014 at 8:27 am

    the dregs
    of stillness
    reach out

    Reply
  23. Ellen Grace Olinger says

    August 24, 2014 at 7:02 am

    scraping the ice rink
    of blood, sweat and tears

    – Carole MacRury

    her voice still saying
    now I want you to
    take care of yourself

    Reply
  24. Ellen Grace Olinger says

    August 24, 2014 at 6:46 am

    scraping the ice rink
    of blood, sweat and tears

    – Carole MacRury

    the gift of presence
    when she was
    called Home

    Reply
  25. batsword says

    August 24, 2014 at 1:29 am

    scraping the ice rink
    of blood, sweat and tears

    mesmerized by
    her tanned body trainer’s
    six pack

    Reply
  26. batsword says

    August 24, 2014 at 1:22 am

    scraping the ice rink
    of blood, sweat and tears

    reprimanded by
    that thin man swigging
    a single malt

    Reply
  27. batsword says

    August 24, 2014 at 1:21 am

    scraping the ice rink
    of blood, sweat and tears

    she ignores
    the rants of the crowd
    outside the clinic

    Reply
  28. batsword says

    August 24, 2014 at 1:19 am

    scraping the ice rink
    of blood, sweat and tears

    at the races
    her horse first to cross
    the finishing line

    Reply
  29. batsword says

    August 24, 2014 at 1:18 am

    scraping the ice rink
    of blood, sweat and tears

    daily missiles
    immobilize
    all their markets

    Reply
  30. Jennifer Sutherland says

    August 24, 2014 at 12:53 am

    scraping the ice rink
    of blood, sweat and tears

    champagne flute
    on the tallboy , I peruse
    his etchings

    hehehe sorry Sandra, I couldn’t resist 🙂

    Reply
  31. Jennifer Sutherland says

    August 24, 2014 at 12:48 am

    scraping the ice rink
    of blood, sweat and tears

    –Carole MacRury

    she steps out
    with her heart
    on her sleeve

    Reply
  32. Scott Mason says

    August 23, 2014 at 6:29 pm

    the last
    full measure
    for measure

    Reply
  33. sandra says

    August 23, 2014 at 5:08 pm

    *revision*
    scraping the ice rink
    of blood, sweat and tears

    his attempt to sell
    my parents’ bedroom suite
    doomed to failure

    – Sandra Simpson

    Reply
  34. Jennifer Sutherland says

    August 23, 2014 at 6:42 am

    scraping the ice rink
    of blood, sweat and tears

    –Carole MacRury

    she steps out
    wearing her heart
    on her sleeve

    Reply
  35. jerry julius says

    August 23, 2014 at 6:28 am

    a new beginning
    fraught with uncertainties
    irresistible

    Reply
  36. Ellen Grace Olinger says

    August 23, 2014 at 4:01 am

    scraping the ice rink
    of blood, sweat and tears

    – Carole MacRury

    sometimes the poem
    arrives with the work
    already done

    Reply
  37. carole harrison says

    August 23, 2014 at 1:39 am

    the matador
    breathes in all the cheers
    begs forgiveness

    Reply
  38. sandra says

    August 23, 2014 at 1:33 am

    Darn, wish I could edit my comment – *in case my LP verse is too close* (I knew what I meant!).

    Reply
  39. sandra says

    August 23, 2014 at 1:32 am

    Suddenly realised that my verse is only the 10th verse after the song lyrics – working out at the gym today and “Walk on the Wild Side” on the speakers (who says exercise is bad for you). So in case the ku is too close

    scraping the ice rink
    of blood, sweat and tears

    his attempt to sell
    my parents’ bedroom suite
    doomed to failed

    – Sandra Simpson

    Reply
  40. Patrick Sweeney says

    August 22, 2014 at 11:57 pm

    scent of pipe smoke
    the Lamed-vavnik
    double jumps

    -Patrick Sweeney

    Reply
  41. Alice Frampton says

    August 22, 2014 at 11:47 pm

    a bedside lamp
    illuminates the sliver
    in my finger

    Reply
  42. Asni Amin says

    August 22, 2014 at 7:34 pm

    avoiding eye contact
    our shoulders touched
    in the metro

    Reply
  43. Sky V says

    August 22, 2014 at 6:39 pm

    in a coat pocket
    ten interlaced fingers
    it’s almost midnight

    Reply
  44. jerry julius says

    August 22, 2014 at 5:55 pm

    passion
    carries consequences
    not expected

    Reply
  45. Karen Cesar says

    August 22, 2014 at 5:06 pm

    scraping the ice rink
    of blood, sweat and tears

    –Carole MacRury

    several months
    of the prodigy’s vitae
    edited out

    Reply
  46. sandra says

    August 22, 2014 at 4:15 pm

    scraping the ice rink
    of blood, sweat and tears

    beer bottle
    on the windowsill, I flip
    through the LPs

    – Sandra Simpson

    Reply
  47. sandra says

    August 22, 2014 at 4:14 pm

    scraping the ice rink
    of blood, sweat and tears

    wine glass
    on the windowsill, I flip
    through the LPs

    – Sandra Simpson

    Reply
  48. Alice Frampton says

    August 22, 2014 at 2:21 pm

    roller skates
    racing around the track
    in a derby

    Reply
  49. Carmen Sterba says

    August 22, 2014 at 12:43 pm

    scraping the ice rink
    of blood, sweat and tears

    –Carole MacRury

    a hard fall
    dissolves all chances
    for the half-marathon

    Reply
  50. Ellen Grace Olinger says

    August 22, 2014 at 11:21 am

    scraping the ice rink
    of blood, sweat and tears

    – Carole MacRury

    back the next day
    to help clean her room
    for the next person

    Reply
  51. Betty Shropshire says

    August 22, 2014 at 9:43 am

    Hi Lorin!

    For me, the learning curve would be much steeper without your wonderful and bold input.
    As I am a glutton for language that has aroma and scent…please stay. Truly. I want to continue to sop up the gravy…wish all the other great dishes would replenish this buffet. The banquet hall needs more saki to ya’s!

    Reply
  52. Jennifer Sutherland says

    August 22, 2014 at 9:31 am

    scraping the ice rink
    of blood, sweat and tears

    –Carole MacRury

    by day she swims
    in the guise
    of a swan

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aHbGqJ_MonU

    Reply
  53. joel irusta says

    August 22, 2014 at 9:27 am

    the tennis match
    between rivals shatters
    dreams of desire

    Reply
  54. joel irusta says

    August 22, 2014 at 9:13 am

    a lightly scented letter
    arrives with a postmark
    from the future

    Reply
  55. Amada Burgard says

    August 22, 2014 at 9:11 am

    your reluctance to stay
    one more night
    things we leave in the shadows

    Reply
  56. Jennifer Sutherland says

    August 22, 2014 at 8:59 am

    scraping the ice rink
    of blood, sweat and tears

    –Carole MacRury

    at the premier
    cameras flash
    as the stars arrive

    Reply
  57. Ellen Grace Olinger says

    August 22, 2014 at 4:01 am

    never a break
    yet so close
    those last years

    Reply
  58. sandra says

    August 21, 2014 at 10:18 pm

    scraping the ice rink
    of blood, sweat and tears

    in the back of the drawer
    a velvet-covered book
    full of underlining

    – Sandra Simpson

    Reply
  59. sandra says

    August 21, 2014 at 10:16 pm

    Sorry, my long break is showing … a revision to create better sense

    scraping the ice rink
    of blood, sweat and tears

    in the back of the drawer
    a velvet-covered book
    with its title in gold
    – Sandra Simpson

    Reply
  60. Lorin says

    August 21, 2014 at 10:04 pm

    ” In case anyone missed this last week, I made an error by selecting a verse containing a spring season word from our list when a winter season word was required. While imperfections are to be expected in the composition of a renku, my error in this case was so immense that it required immediate reconsideration and a new selection. I hope all of you will join me in thanking Polona Oblak for catching this before we got any further down the road. And thanks, also, to jerry julius for a great verse that, regrettably, we will have to forgo after all.

    Aside from the overt error in my last selection, concerns have been raised that I am being inconsistent in my choices. While Lorin Ford is the poet who presented this idea, I imagine she is not alone in thinking so. – John

    John, I’m responding here as I feel I’m in danger of being characterized as a pedantic, rule-bound and very experienced when in fact I’ve been involved in a relatively small number of renku, and none of them with an American sabaki before.

    My concern was not at all as general as you would have it, that you were being “inconsistent with (your) choices”. In regard to Jerry’s verse, it was specifically that ‘avalanche’ is not a winter season word on the list of kigo you’ve set, whilst you had specifically asked for a winter season word from that list.

    I’m personally very thankful to Polona for considering my concern instead of ignoring it and for taking the logical next step of checking for the word under the ‘spring’ kigo.

    I believe it’s that combination, John, which has made it possible for you to correct what you consider to be an error “so immense that it required immediate reconsideration and a new selection”.

    I certainly can agree with this:

    “Renku could be much more widely practiced among English-language poets. . . . it is actually the creative and collaborative interplay of poets that matters first and most.” – John

    I’m all for the promotion of more interest in renku and I take the opportunity to remind everyone that AHG’s renku editor, William Sorlien, welcomes submissions of renku up until the deadline of September 15th (for publication in the December issue)

    http://www.ahundredgourds.com/ahg33/index_submissions33.html

    – Lorin

    Reply
  61. Carmen Sterba says

    August 21, 2014 at 8:57 pm

    scraping the ice rink
    of blood, sweat and tears

    a circle of friends
    actually singing
    Kumbaya

    Reply
  62. Alice Frampton says

    August 21, 2014 at 7:31 pm

    Slight revision:

    closely packed
    in the commuter train
    on my way to work

    Reply
  63. sandra says

    August 21, 2014 at 7:08 pm

    scraping the ice rink
    of blood, sweat and tears

    a velvet-covered book
    in the back of the drawer
    with one corner folded down

    – Sandra Simpson

    Reply
  64. Ellen Grace Olinger says

    August 21, 2014 at 5:32 pm

    her first steps
    with a walker
    and a new smile

    Reply
  65. joel irusta says

    August 21, 2014 at 4:38 pm

    the couch wears
    its occupants just
    tangled threads

    Reply
  66. joel irusta says

    August 21, 2014 at 4:37 pm

    the couch wears
    its occupants
    tangled threads

    Reply
  67. Ellen Grace Olinger says

    August 21, 2014 at 4:37 pm

    we gain strength
    in the hospital
    as we read aloud

    Reply
  68. Karen Cesar says

    August 21, 2014 at 3:24 pm

    scraping the ice rink
    of blood, sweat and tears

    –Carole MacRury

    sandpaper
    and tung oil will restore
    your garage sale find

    Reply
  69. Polona Oblak says

    August 21, 2014 at 2:31 pm

    scraping the ice rink
    of blood, sweat and tears

    –Carole MacRury

    last minute offer
    for a trip
    to Transylvania

    Reply
  70. Karen Cesar says

    August 21, 2014 at 2:10 pm

    scraping the ice rink
    of blood, sweat and tears

    –Carole MacRury

    our machines
    at the laundromat
    enter their spin cycles

    Reply
  71. Betty Shropshire says

    August 21, 2014 at 1:42 pm

    Dali on the clock
    at a spare cubicle
    slip slides a way

    Reply
  72. Betty Shropshire says

    August 21, 2014 at 12:49 pm

    Dali on the clock
    at a spare cubicle
    scribbled graffiti

    Reply
  73. Betty Shropshire says

    August 21, 2014 at 10:43 am

    tom foolery
    hastens to the locker room
    combing the bleachers

    Reply
  74. Betty Shropshire says

    August 21, 2014 at 10:30 am

    in the round
    of a court there sparks
    tinder glances

    Reply
  75. Alice Frampton says

    August 21, 2014 at 10:17 am

    closely packed
    on public transportation
    going to work

    Reply
  76. Alice Frampton says

    August 21, 2014 at 9:52 am

    Well done, John! There were many excellent verses submitted, totally signaling that all poets, even newcomers to renku, are learning and enjoying this game/collaboration.
    I, for one, loved the avalanche verse, so much so that I failed to check the sajiki, too. Good catch, Polona! Wonderful verse, Jerry! I know Jerry will submit many other wonderful verses. I’ve been enjoying reading all the verses, even if they are not chosen . . . almost like a poetry book, and I’m getting to know everyone’s voice by their writing. That’s the part I love so much . . . poetic voices and fun.
    Congratulations Carole! Happy to see your voice appear. Your Canadian heritage is shining through. Love the tears . . . Of joy and defeat, setting us up nicely for the love verses . . . Love of the game.
    Thanks everyone! Time to get busy again creating!

    Reply
  77. Kanchan Chatterjee says

    August 21, 2014 at 9:17 am

    blood sweat and tears
    and a deep crease in my bluejeans
    dog days

    Reply

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