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The Haiku Foundation

man-made lake
swimming in
our own imaginations
- Dietmar Tauchner
You are here: Home / Renku Sessions / The Renku Sessions: A Day of Snow 24

August 25, 2016 By John Stevenson 136 Comments

The Renku Sessions: A Day of Snow 24

renkuchainGreetings and welcome to The Haiku Foundation’s Fourth Renku Session: A Day of Snow. I am Marshall Hryciuk of Toronto Canada and i will be the leader of a 36-link Kasen renku. I’ve led over 40 of these linked-poem gatherings and my latest book, from Carleton Place, Canada is a selection of 15 of them, called petals in the dark.

Hi there, renku fans. We have our verse 24. it is:

a gull’s wings barely moving
in the midday heat

                    –Polona Oblak

“Barely moving” i liked immediately as an animal reaction to unbearable heat while the mention of “gull” associates with a seascape that can be seen to link with “the tall grasses” that were marcelled in the verse previous. Combined, the first line maintains the tactile appeal of “with a touch of her finger” but shifts from an act’s completion into open-ended motion.

As i read more closely, i realized the gull was in flight; it’s not its feathers that are hardly ruffling in a breeze or a convection current but outspread wings that are being held almost still as the bird continues to fly. This adds the complexity of a stillness-in-motion and movement-in-stillness motif that is admirable in itself but when completed by “in the midday heat” (notice: with the definite article) awakens us to the feeling that this hovering gull may embody the heat, in its vertical condition of “midday,” bearing down on us; humans, animals, plant life and all, in a constant way. Well-done, Polona; thank you.

For our next verse, we need to revisit summer one more time: 3 lines/ summery. And this time, human responses to this hottest of summers on global record are encouraged as a way of indicating we are in summer for this verse. And if you’re new to renku and have never offered a verse for linking before, don’t think twice; just respond in three lines to those two well-written ones above. I’m sure that once you “send” it’ll be much easier to get the hang of it.

Happy linking,
Marshall

 

A Day of Snow to Date

a day of snow
no one else
has come to the door

    –Marshall Hrycuik

coyote song closer
this longest night

    –Judt Shrode

incense lit
the scent of sage
lingers in a crowd

      –Maureen Virchau

bales of the second haying
stacked to the rafters

    –Paul MacNeil

dust from travelers
makes its slow descent
in the moonlight

    –steve smolak

faded jeans, school colors
and granny’s specs to match

    –Betty Shropshire

facing me
a hairy bunyip points
the bones

      –Barbara A. Taylor

balls of moss
exit the quaking forest

      –Carmen Sterba

in the garden shop
seed packets
arrayed alphabetically

      –Marilyn Potter

glasswing on the handle
of my butterfly net

      –Karen Cesar

a gypsy’s forecast
uttered to the sound
of rolling dice

    –Lorin Ford

trick-or-treaters skip
under a new moon

      –Maureen Virchau

horses’ foggy snorts
lead our morning jaunt
along the track

      –Marietta McGregor

scanning an empty platform
as the train chugs off

      –Shrikaanth Krishnamurthy

I sit in silence
behind the steering wheel
awhile

    –Paul Geiger

the ewe gently nudges
her lambs to move on

      –Mary Kendall

one white tulip
in a sunlit border
glows against the green

      –Marietta McGregor

another soul in the limelight
of #blacklivesmatter

      –Agnes Eva Savich

Bastille Day
fireworks
extinguished

      –Marion Clarke

recruitment of volunteers
for the hospice New Year’s Eve

    –Gabriel Sawicki

beaming with joy
the first visitor presents
a tray of passionfruit

    –Barbara A. Taylor

the commuter car full
of personal devices

    –Michael Henry Lee

with a touch of her finger
the goddess of wind
marcels the tall grasses

    –Patrick Sweeney

a gull’s wings barely moving
in the midday heat

    –Polona Oblak

Filed Under: Renku Sessions Tagged With: A Day of Snow, Marshall, The Haiku Foundation, The Renku Sessions

Comments

  1. Lorin Ford says

    August 31, 2016 at 6:53 am

    sleepless
    I close the shutters
    on Sirius
    —
    – Lorin

    Reply
  2. Aalix Roake says

    August 30, 2016 at 3:20 pm

    she fans herself
    with a comic book
    coloured pages flipping by

    Reply
    • Marshall Hryciuk says

      August 31, 2016 at 12:45 am

      hi Aalix – at least this offering attempts to link -the “flipping” pages being the wings resumed in their flapping into prolonged flight and displaying colour in the process of trying to find coolness -i’ll keep this under consideration -thanks

      Reply
  3. Marion Clarke says

    August 30, 2016 at 10:39 am

    soothing my sunburn
    in the shallows
    I bump into a jellyfish

    Reply
    • Marion Clarke says

      August 30, 2016 at 11:01 am

      Sorry if this one is just too silly, Marshall. It is a childhood memory of a day trip to a lovely sandy beach along the coast. Ours here in Warrenpoint is very stony – but at least there are no jellyfish!

      marion

      Reply
      • Marshall Hryciuk says

        August 31, 2016 at 12:39 am

        not “too” silly, Marion -but pretty ‘out there’ -I saw a stingray yesterday -maybe there was a psychic disconnection

        Reply
        • Lorin Ford says

          August 31, 2016 at 6:34 am

          “I saw a stingray yesterday -maybe there was a psychic disconnection” – Marshall
          —
          No psychic disconnection, I imagine, just a cultural one. 🙂 Here’s my favourite stingray painting/ cultural connection, by Lin Onus: a dingo surfing with his stingray friend. You’ll recognise Hokusai’s wave.
          http://dreamdogsart.typepad.com/photos/uncategorized/2007/07/02/michaelblog_2.jpg
          —

          – Lorin

          Reply
  4. Marion Clarke says

    August 30, 2016 at 10:33 am

    the clink of ice
    in the green shade
    of an orangery

    Reply
    • Marion Clarke says

      August 30, 2016 at 10:39 am

      Can also be spelled ‘orangerie’ which I think looks prettier – and French! 🙂

      Reply
      • Marshall Hryciuk says

        August 31, 2016 at 12:35 am

        the ‘ie’ is prettier, Marion -but we can’t have green again after the blossom verse’s “green” and its link in “limelight” in the next verse

        Reply
  5. Marion Clarke says

    August 30, 2016 at 10:27 am

    the wet sand
    he pats onto my skin
    almost sizzles

    Reply
    • Marshall Hryciuk says

      August 31, 2016 at 12:33 am

      “almost” never the greatest of qualifiers -but anyway, Marion we need a little complexity here

      Reply
  6. Marion Clarke says

    August 30, 2016 at 10:23 am

    choosing an ice cream
    sounds too much
    like hard work

    Reply
    • Marion Clarke says

      August 30, 2016 at 10:57 am

      or ‘even choosing’?

      Reply
      • Marshall Hryciuk says

        August 31, 2016 at 12:32 am

        a terrible state to be in, Marion -but i’m looking for more complexity here

        Reply
  7. joel irusta says

    August 30, 2016 at 8:16 am

    serene
    ash strewn landscape
    one sunflower blooms
    .
    .
    .
    serene
    ash strewn landscape
    betrays the destruction

    Reply
    • Marshall Hryciuk says

      August 31, 2016 at 12:30 am

      hi joel -first one has a “bloom” which is reserved for the ‘blossom verse’ -the second one has a volcanic feel to it that has no specific reference to summer

      Reply
  8. Marietta McGregor says

    August 29, 2016 at 11:00 pm

    sun-struck in Florida
    a round of bar-room games
    stirs them up

    .

    Couldn’t resist!

    Reply
    • Marietta McGregor says

      August 29, 2016 at 11:01 pm

      sun-struck in Florida
      when a round of games
      stirs up the bar

      Reply
    • Marshall Hryciuk says

      August 31, 2016 at 12:28 am

      actually, we were more than thunderstruck, but glad, Marietta, you’re feeling spontaneous

      Reply
  9. Mary Kendall says

    August 29, 2016 at 9:42 pm

    Is this versIon any better?
    .
    soft sounds of
    skates circling an
    indoor ice rink

    Reply
    • Marshall Hryciuk says

      August 29, 2016 at 10:19 pm

      well, yes, Mary, this is an improvement -but you drive me crazy with your line-endings in prepositions and articles -it’s not about counting or pacing your syllables -it’s about sculpting how English sounds into sense so it can withstand various readings and vernaculars on paper and in the cerebral ear; something for this like: “the recurring sounds/ of skates/ on an oval of ice” -“indoor ice rink” is just too leaden to work with, no matter how accurate -goes back to Stephane Mallarme telling Edgar Degas the painter that “poems are made out of words not out of ideas”

      Reply
      • Mary Kendall says

        August 31, 2016 at 1:18 pm

        Marshall, I’ve been a poet for many years, and I do know how to write. I think that being new to renku, I keep seeing your comments to make the verses short and visually balanced. This is what I was attempting to do. I read your comments on my and on all other entries carefully and closely. I guess I missed the boat. I shall return to a more haiku-like mindset. My apologies for driving you crazy. We can’t have that.

        Reply
  10. Marion Clarke says

    August 29, 2016 at 6:52 pm

    a beer for me
    and a bowl of water
    for the stray

    Reply
    • Marshall Hryciuk says

      August 29, 2016 at 10:09 pm

      hi Marion – a little too simple for what i’m looking for here -but a great introduction for a new party game that starts “a renku poet walks into a bar . . .” (getting giddy with the heat here in Florida)MH

      Reply
      • Marion Clarke says

        August 30, 2016 at 6:28 am

        hahahahaha

        mine’s a Guinness, Marshall 🙂

        Reply
  11. Judt Shrode says

    August 29, 2016 at 2:42 am

    just the sight
    of watermelons
    floating in ice water…

    Reply
    • Judt Shrode says

      August 29, 2016 at 2:54 am

      Unbelievable as it may seem, I didn’t realize I’d used “water” twice until after I posted! I guess “watermelon” doesn’t even connote “water” to me. It’s just a melon that’s green on the outside and red on the inside. Ah, well.

      Reply
      • Judt Shrode says

        August 29, 2016 at 3:22 am

        I guess it could go
        .
        just seeing
        watermelons
        nestled in ice…
        .
        Anyway, it was sketchy to begin with.

        Reply
        • Marshall Hryciuk says

          August 29, 2016 at 10:05 pm

          yeah, i think we’re going in opposite directionswith this one, Judt -whenever you even think of ellipsis or a ”…” you’re probably losing me -i’d appreciate it though if you worked on the one about the dry spigot in Gaza for the next link of two lines though -I just couldn’t fit it in last time

          Reply
          • Judt Shrode says

            August 29, 2016 at 11:52 pm

            I knew the ellipsis would put you off, but did it anyway…silly.

            I hope I can remember the Gaza one! West Bank, I think it was…I don’t keep any records, but it’ll probably come back to me. Thanks!

      • Marshall Hryciuk says

        August 29, 2016 at 10:06 pm

        ah, well, Judt -at least you didn’t just change it to ‘muskmelons’

        Reply
  12. Lorin Ford says

    August 28, 2016 at 10:41 pm

    that coconut smell
    in the wine, my fish salad
    in everything!
    —
    🙂 – Lorin
    (that’s the last of it, I promise)

    Reply
    • Marshall Hryciuk says

      August 29, 2016 at 10:02 pm

      thanks for keeping it fun, Lorin -really, besides the sneeze at the dupl. def. art. it’s the “in everything” that rankles the most, because i remember looking up a ‘romaji-literal’ translation of this poem after I saw a 5-7-5 of it in a Peter Pauper edition for the season of Spring and found there was no ‘everything’ literally in Basho’s text; only “fish salad” that might have seemed inscrutable to the PP’s translators at that time -but i’m in gulf-coast Florida right now and can’t look it up til i get home end of next week -I guess, ‘Lorin-Marshall-and the ghost of Basho-Collusion’ just don’t make it with this link, this time

      Reply
      • Lorin Ford says

        August 30, 2016 at 5:44 am

        Florida! How odd: yesterday I bought an oxblood handbag at a local op, shop and hidden away in one of the pockets was a ‘gold’ key with “Florida *Sunshine State*&” surrounding a heart-shaped, double-sided picture of dolphins which spins around. (The dolphins look more like they’re flying through the air above the sea than our local ones, who do sort of ‘loop stitch’ leaps) I dream this key might open a box in a bank vault over there. 🙂
        Anyway, I’m sure it’s lovely & sunny there, so enjoy yourself. 🙂
        —
        the dolphins
        down in Florida
        still smiling

        —
        – Lorin

        Reply
  13. Lorin Ford says

    August 28, 2016 at 9:20 pm

    Whoops: I’ve spotted the repeated def. art. you’re allergic to, Marshall

    Another go:
    —
    that coconut smell
    in the soup in my fish salad
    in everything!
    —
    – a collusion between Lorin, Marshall & Basho’s ghost.
    🙂
    —

    Reply
    • Marshall Hryciuk says

      August 29, 2016 at 9:56 pm

      certainly orchestrates the “heat”, Barbara, but I was hoping to go somewhere else

      Reply
  14. Lorin Ford says

    August 28, 2016 at 9:17 pm

    “well, howbout that, Lorin -I would have written “in the soup, in my fish salad” for line 2 of Basho’s famous poem -so perhaps my aversion to your “on everyone” might even stem from my aversion to “everywhere” in this translation. ” – Marshall
    —
    🙂 well, then, here’s a collusion:
    —
    that coconut smell
    in the soup in the fish salad
    in everything!
    —
    – Lorin, Marshall & Basho’s ghost
    🙂

    (I like it, anyway)
    —
    – L0orin

    Reply
  15. Barbara A. Taylor says

    August 28, 2016 at 9:01 pm

    oh yes, congrats Polona, a lovely verse.

    ~

    just enough energy
    to scrape melting tarmac
    from my espadrilles

    Reply
  16. Lorin Ford says

    August 28, 2016 at 7:46 pm

    a gull’s wings barely moving
    in the midday heat

    –Polona Oblak
    —
    that coconut smell
    on the beach on the pier
    on everyone!

    —
    – Lorin
    —

    inspired by (& pretty obviously alluding to) Basho’s:
    __
    beneath the trees
    in the soup, salad, everywhere
    cherry blossoms!
    – (Translator Haruo Shirane)
    __
    which I’ve loved since I first read it. 🙂
    – Lorin

    Reply
    • Marshall Hryciuk says

      August 28, 2016 at 8:31 pm

      well, howbout that, Lorin -I would have written “in the soup, in my fish salad” for line 2 of Basho’s famous poem -so perhaps my aversion to your “on everyone” might even stem from my aversion to “everywhere” in this translation

      Reply
  17. Lorin Ford says

    August 28, 2016 at 7:25 pm

    a gull’s wings barely moving
    in the midday heat

    –Polona Oblak
    —
    that coconut smell
    on the pier on the beach
    on everyone
    —
    – Lorin

    Reply
    • Marshall Hryciuk says

      August 28, 2016 at 8:28 pm

      matches “the heat” for its overwhelming presence, Lorin -but it doesn’t shift us as far as your other offerings

      Reply
  18. paulgeiger says

    August 28, 2016 at 2:35 pm

    through my windshield
    the highway ahead shimmers
    without water

    Reply
    • Marshall Hryciuk says

      August 28, 2016 at 8:25 pm

      no, Paul, I think “the goddess of wind” two verses ago takes care of a “windshield” being used as well

      Reply
  19. Maureen Virchau says

    August 28, 2016 at 12:55 pm

    Congrats, Polona! Such an excellent illustration of these high temperatures. Perfect choice, Marshall. Thanks again for all your thoughtful commentary.
    *
    next in line
    at the gelato cart
    for a scoop of nocciola
    .
    .
    translation~ hazelnut

    Reply
    • Marshall Hryciuk says

      August 28, 2016 at 8:24 pm

      thanks, Maureen, for the comments -this offering is interesting for its ‘foreign word’ component -but otherwise, a little too straightforward for what I was looking for here

      Reply
    • Polona Oblak says

      August 29, 2016 at 2:38 pm

      thanks, Maureen! summers tend to be hot around the Adriatic 🙂

      Reply
  20. Betty Shropshire says

    August 28, 2016 at 9:31 am

    abandoned floaties
    as he swims away
    from daddy’s reach

    Reply
    • Marshall Hryciuk says

      August 28, 2016 at 8:22 pm

      maybe works if by escaping “daddy’s reach” someone’s escaping “the midday heat” -but not the kind of link i’m looking for here

      Reply
  21. Betty Shropshire says

    August 28, 2016 at 9:01 am

    soggy bottom boys
    shovel madly against
    an incoming tide

    Reply
    • Marshall Hryciuk says

      August 28, 2016 at 8:20 pm

      first line seems to summarize a group by their job effects, Betty -not very inclusive for our renku

      Reply
  22. Betty Shropshire says

    August 28, 2016 at 8:56 am

    shirtless wonders
    lifting
    her tropical depression

    Reply
    • Betty Shropshire says

      August 28, 2016 at 8:58 am

      instead:
      …
      shirtless wonders
      lifting
      their tropical depression

      Reply
      • Betty Shropshire says

        August 28, 2016 at 8:59 am

        or:
        shirtless wonders
        lift another
        tropical depression

        Reply
    • Marshall Hryciuk says

      August 28, 2016 at 8:19 pm

      these are all sardonic comments on a personal condition, Betty -witty enough, but not for this renku

      Reply
  23. Michael Henry Lee says

    August 28, 2016 at 6:47 am

    in Baltimore
    the kids get a break
    from the heat

    Reply
    • Marshall Hryciuk says

      August 28, 2016 at 8:18 pm

      can’t say “heat” again, Michael

      Reply
  24. Marietta McGregor says

    August 28, 2016 at 5:38 am

    a dry crackle
    of wind in the shutters
    during siesta

    Reply
    • Marshall Hryciuk says

      August 28, 2016 at 8:17 pm

      this is a nice haiku, Marietta -but we had “the goddess of wind” just two verses ago

      Reply
      • Marietta McGregor says

        August 29, 2016 at 7:05 am

        Oh, yes of course ‘wind’ is there, this is so tricky! I can feel new synapses forming with every step! Write on!

        Reply
  25. Mary Kendall says

    August 28, 2016 at 12:55 am

    seduced
    by a hammock
    under the oaks

    Reply
    • Marshall Hryciuk says

      August 28, 2016 at 8:14 pm

      “seduced” a little too ‘human laden’ a word for the respite a “hammock/ under the oaks” offers, Mary

      Reply
  26. Mary Kendall says

    August 28, 2016 at 12:35 am

    churning peach
    ice-cream crank
    after crank

    Reply
    • Marshall Hryciuk says

      August 28, 2016 at 8:11 pm

      sounds like sweaty work, Mary, more than relief from the “heat”

      Reply
  27. Mary Kendall says

    August 28, 2016 at 12:18 am

    going round
    and round in an
    indoor ice rink

    Reply
    • Marshall Hryciuk says

      August 28, 2016 at 8:10 pm

      interesting ‘turn-around’ play on the “gull’s wings”, Mary -but “round/ and round” seems a bit flat for our renku

      Reply
  28. Mary Kendall says

    August 28, 2016 at 12:02 am

    Polona, yours was my favorite verse of the bunch. Congratulations.
    .
    a gull’s wings barely moving

    in the midday heat
    –Polona Oblak
    .
    .
    sipping a spritzer
    while reading
    “Icebound”

    Reply
    • Polona Oblak says

      August 28, 2016 at 12:30 pm

      thank you, Mary, appreciate it 🙂

      Reply
    • Marshall Hryciuk says

      August 28, 2016 at 8:08 pm

      has the ‘internal solution’, Mary -but i’m looking for a bit of complexity as well, in this link

      Reply
  29. Marilyn Humbert says

    August 27, 2016 at 9:27 pm

    the water
    in our reservoirs evaporates
    under baking sun

    Reply
    • Marshall Hryciuk says

      August 28, 2016 at 8:07 pm

      extends the “heat”, Marilyn, while bring in an explicit ’cause-and-effect’

      Reply
  30. Liz Ann Winkler says

    August 27, 2016 at 8:47 pm

    if only I could fit
    an arm chair
    into my wine cellar

    Reply
    • Marshall Hryciuk says

      August 28, 2016 at 8:06 pm

      hey, Liz Ann, I like this one; the arms of the chair linking to the gull’s wings and shifting us underground as a human response -thanks, i’ll be looking at this one again

      Reply
  31. Liz Ann Winkler says

    August 27, 2016 at 8:27 pm

    four small hands
    slather aloe
    on daddy’s back

    Reply
    • Marshall Hryciuk says

      August 28, 2016 at 8:04 pm

      sweet scene, Liz Ann, but needs more complexity

      Reply
  32. Michael Henry Lee says

    August 27, 2016 at 5:05 am

    first degree burns
    from our day
    at the beach

    Reply
    • Marshall Hryciuk says

      August 28, 2016 at 8:03 pm

      extends the oppressive “heat”, Michael, while not necessarily shifting the scene

      Reply
  33. Michael Henry Lee says

    August 27, 2016 at 4:57 am

    the black top bubbles
    in an empty
    schoolyard

    Reply
    • Marshall Hryciuk says

      August 28, 2016 at 8:02 pm

      just had “black” 6 links ago, Michael -can’t repeat that

      Reply
  34. Aalix Roake says

    August 27, 2016 at 3:52 am

    she fans
    with a comic book
    back and forth

    Reply
    • Marshall Hryciuk says

      August 28, 2016 at 8:01 pm

      again, fine as far as it goes, Aalix -looking for more complexity here

      Reply
  35. Marietta McGregor says

    August 27, 2016 at 2:19 am

    a marble angel
    drinking ice water
    from the fountain

    Reply
    • Marshall Hryciuk says

      August 28, 2016 at 8:00 pm

      kind of a phantasy, Marietta, we just had 2 verses ago -without the visual props

      Reply
  36. Judt Shrode says

    August 27, 2016 at 12:01 am

    sipping frosty beer
    in the shade
    of a boardwalk umbrella

    Reply
    • Marshall Hryciuk says

      August 28, 2016 at 7:59 pm

      fine as far as it goes, Judt -looking for a bit more complexity with this one

      Reply
  37. Marietta McGregor says

    August 26, 2016 at 11:57 pm

    muffled sobs in the night
    as Rhett spurns Scarlett
    at a star-crossed drive-in

    Reply
    • Marshall Hryciuk says

      August 28, 2016 at 7:57 pm

      certainly a summer scene from my childhood, Marietta -but the link to the previous verse seems tenuous to me -and to say both “night” and “drive-in” seems unnecessary

      Reply
  38. Marietta McGregor says

    August 26, 2016 at 10:44 pm

    a country toddler
    with face upturned sings
    in her first downpour

    Reply
    • Marshall Hryciuk says

      August 28, 2016 at 7:53 pm

      second line a bit too awkward, Marietta -and a kind of play off of “singing in the rain” that I don’t want here

      Reply
  39. Lorin Ford says

    August 26, 2016 at 10:07 pm

    a gull’s wings barely moving
    in the midday heat

    –Polona Oblak
    —
    sweating it out
    I close the shutters
    on Sirius
    —
    – Lorin

    Reply
    • Marshall Hryciuk says

      August 28, 2016 at 7:51 pm

      not crazy about the line beginning “sweating” after a line ending with “heat”, Lorin

      Reply
  40. Marietta McGregor says

    August 26, 2016 at 9:33 pm

    another power cut
    and they carry mattresses
    onto the verandah

    Reply
    • Marietta McGregor says

      August 26, 2016 at 9:34 pm

      Proabably too ’cause and effect’ again, sorry!

      Reply
    • Marshall Hryciuk says

      August 26, 2016 at 9:37 pm

      this feels like a direct observation, Marietta -so thanks for that -reads a bit long though -and has that ’cause-and-effect’ formation i’m not very fond of in haiku-related writing

      Reply
  41. Lorin Ford says

    August 26, 2016 at 9:09 pm

    a gull’s wings barely moving
    in the midday heat

    –Polona Oblak
    —
    stinking dog days
    in the great pacific
    garbage patch
    —

    —
    https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Great_Pacific_garbage_patch
    —
    – Lorin

    Reply
    • Marshall Hryciuk says

      August 26, 2016 at 9:34 pm

      a startling and nature-positive statement, Lorin, of the existence of a “garbage patch” that humans have heaved into our oceans and left stranded there -but not what i’m looking for for our concluding summery verse

      Reply
  42. Betty Shropshire says

    August 26, 2016 at 9:08 pm

    orogeny
    he mouths to himself
    while others still splash

    Reply
    • Marshall Hryciuk says

      August 26, 2016 at 9:30 pm

      I understand “orogeny” as ‘mountain-building’, Betty -so you must mean something else by this word, such as ‘born-by-the ear’ or ‘by-mouth’ -but as it is it makes no sense to me -please explain

      Reply
      • Betty Shropshire says

        August 26, 2016 at 11:35 pm

        Well, when all the other kids are splashing in the water, there is that one odd child who always has their nose in a book…much like my much younger self in that I took great delight in browsing through my parents’ dictionary…especially loved obscure words and would sound them out. Certainly not an everyman kind of summery and probably makes no sense for a renku verse. Orogeny…just floated out of the recesses of my mind as did the memory.

        Reply
  43. Lorin Ford says

    August 26, 2016 at 8:50 pm

    a gull’s wings barely moving
    in the midday heat

    –Polona Oblak
    —
    caught in the rip
    our beach toys and brand names
    become rubbish
    —
    – Lorin

    Reply
    • Marshall Hryciuk says

      August 26, 2016 at 9:26 pm

      not as intriguing as your previous two offerings, Lorin

      Reply
  44. Marietta McGregor says

    August 26, 2016 at 8:50 pm

    record sea temperatures
    drive the Carolina flounder
    to waters further north

    Reply
    • Marshall Hryciuk says

      August 26, 2016 at 9:25 pm

      too direct a ’cause-and-effect’ event, Marietta, however true, as far as it goes

      Reply
  45. Marietta McGregor says

    August 26, 2016 at 8:25 pm

    this record-breaking year
    the silvereyes migrated
    weeks ahead of time

    Reply
    • Marietta McGregor says

      August 26, 2016 at 8:34 pm

      Scratch this one, please , Marshall. Although it’s the case that bird ranges and migratory behaviours are changing, the dates for the silvereyes are not ‘summery’ enough.

      Reply
  46. Lorin Ford says

    August 26, 2016 at 8:19 pm

    a gull’s wings barely moving
    in the midday heat

    –Polona Oblak
    —
    a world away
    in a dream of sea turtles
    and clownfish
    —

    – Lorin

    Reply
    • Marshall Hryciuk says

      August 26, 2016 at 9:24 pm

      escape from heat by dreaming -interesting option, Lorin -i’ll reconsider this one too, thanks

      Reply
  47. Lorin Ford says

    August 26, 2016 at 7:53 pm

    a gull’s wings barely moving
    in the midday heat

    –Polona Oblak
    —
    I think I know
    why whales returned
    to the ocean
    —
    – Lorin

    Reply
    • Marshall Hryciuk says

      August 26, 2016 at 9:22 pm

      little bit of humour here, Lorin -thanks -and in a colloquial kind of phrase -i’ll have to look at this one again, later

      Reply
  48. Lorin Ford says

    August 26, 2016 at 7:44 pm

    Nicely done, Polona!
    —-
    a gull’s wings barely moving
    in the midday heat

    –Polona Oblak
    —
    date palms
    along the boulevard
    shedding feathers
    —
    – Lorin

    Reply
    • Marshall Hryciuk says

      August 26, 2016 at 9:20 pm

      no, Lorin, don’t want to go from a “gull’s wings” to “feathers” -been avoiding this kind of close-linking the whole renku so far

      Reply
    • Polona Oblak says

      August 28, 2016 at 12:29 pm

      thank you, Lorin 🙂

      Reply
  49. Carmen Sterba says

    August 26, 2016 at 10:06 am

    a gull’s wings barely moving
    in the midday heat

    –Polona Oblak

    .

    further retreat
    of glaciers visible
    to the naked eye

    Reply
  50. Carmen Sterba says

    August 26, 2016 at 10:04 am

    a gull’s wings barely moving
    in the midday heat

    –Polona Oblak

    .

    the further retreat
    of glaciers visible
    to the naked eye

    Reply
    • Marshall Hryciuk says

      August 26, 2016 at 9:18 pm

      rather than having to be measured by a micrometer, right, Carmen? -by breathing though, to me this would be ‘the further retreat of glaciers/ visible to the naked eye’ -reminds me of why i find most ‘5-7-5 haiku’ in English so annoying -they’re oblivious to the breath/line break in English verse

      Reply
      • Carmen Sterba says

        August 26, 2016 at 10:14 pm

        Marshall, It’s been 16 years since I only wrote in 5/7/5; this is a coincidence.

        Reply
  51. Marietta McGregor says

    August 26, 2016 at 9:36 am

    hair lifted free
    of her shoulders
    she twirls near the fan

    Reply
    • Marshall Hryciuk says

      August 26, 2016 at 9:14 pm

      really relies on the previous verse for the identification with summer, though, Marietta

      Reply
  52. Marietta McGregor says

    August 26, 2016 at 9:33 am

    Congratulations, Polona!

    .

    a gull’s wings barely moving
    in the midday heat
    –Polona Oblak

    .

    sweaty nods
    greet the suggestion
    of an icy-cold dip

    .
    Marietta

    Reply
    • Marshall Hryciuk says

      August 26, 2016 at 9:12 pm

      think this would be better, Marietta, as ‘sweaty brows/ nod to the suggestion/ of an ice-cold dip’ -but i think i want a ‘remedy’ more of an internal than external type; such as a drink or a food

      Reply
      • Marietta McGregor says

        August 26, 2016 at 10:11 pm

        I meant to say earlier, thank you for the editing suggestions you offer on phrasing and rhythm, Marshall, even if the verse is not to your liking for the renku. They’re very instructive reading.

        Reply
    • Polona Oblak says

      August 29, 2016 at 2:35 pm

      thanks 🙂

      Reply
  53. Barbara A. Taylor says

    August 26, 2016 at 2:22 am

    on the crowded beach
    her gold-tooth-smile offers
    coconut oil massage, cheap

    Reply
    • Marshall Hryciuk says

      August 26, 2016 at 9:07 pm

      links with our gull, making it into a kind of human vulture, i think, Barbara -not the kind of human adjustment to summer i’m looking for here

      Reply
  54. Judt Shrode says

    August 26, 2016 at 12:40 am

    with cooling moss
    she dabs at folds
    of her baby’s neck

    Reply
    • Marshall Hryciuk says

      August 26, 2016 at 9:03 pm

      hi Judt -“moss” still resounds with the “balls of moss” of verse 8 that moved our renku out of the reach of the bunyip -though that far away, I don’t want to repeat that word

      Reply
  55. Betty Shropshire says

    August 25, 2016 at 6:51 pm

    burkini beachwear
    simply the hottest
    ticket at Cannes

    Reply
    • Marshall Hryciuk says

      August 25, 2016 at 9:04 pm

      like how “burkini” plays off or “ticket”, Betty -but even though it’s a nice touch, can’t use “hottest” after “heat”

      Reply
  56. Polona Oblak says

    August 25, 2016 at 2:34 pm

    thank you, Marshall, a nice surprise 🙂

    Reply
    • Marshall Hryciuk says

      August 25, 2016 at 9:02 pm

      you’re most welcome, Polona -MH

      Reply
  57. Alan Summers says

    August 25, 2016 at 9:42 am

    .
    a gull’s wings barely moving
    in the midday heat
    .
    –Polona Oblak
    .

    the sun tall
    with us
    in the saddle
    .
    Alan Summers
    .

    Reply
    • Marshall Hryciuk says

      August 25, 2016 at 9:01 pm

      lovely restatement in the ‘Old West -High Noon’ mode of the th previous verse, Alan -but it still just restaets the same condition from the ground-up , rather than ‘wing-down’

      Reply
  58. Alan Summers says

    August 25, 2016 at 9:40 am

    Congratulations to Polona Oblak!
    .
    .
    a gull’s wings barely moving
    in the midday heat

    –Polona Oblak
    .
    so many faces
    in the roots of a tree
    as summer turns
    .
    Alan Summers
    .

    Reply
    • Polona Oblak says

      August 25, 2016 at 2:34 pm

      thanks, Alan Summers 😉

      Reply
    • Marshall Hryciuk says

      August 25, 2016 at 8:59 pm

      hi, Alan -not sure we need “faces’ in the roots -nor that we need to say the word, “summer” here

      Reply

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