• Home
  • About
    • Mission
    • Board of Directors
    • Associates
    • Committees
    • Committee Chairs
    • Accessibility Policy
    • Code of Conduct
    • Nondiscrimination Policy
    • Copyright Policies
    • Assignment of Copyright
  • Social
    • Troutswirl Blog
    • Facebook
    • Forums
    • Pinterest
    • Twitter
  • Resources
    • Digital Library
    • Haiku Registry
    • Education Resources
    • World of Haiku
    • Bibliography
    • Links
  • Features
    • Current Renku Session
    • Current Haiku Dialogue
    • Haiku and the Brain
    • Event Calendars
    • THF Haiku App
  • Events
    • International Haiku Poetry Day
    • Touchstone Awards
  • Publications
    • JUXTA
      • About JUXTA
      • JUXTA: All Issues
      • Submission Guidelines
    • Montage: The Book
    • Raymond Roseliep
    • Selected Haiku of Cor van den Heuvel
  • Archives
    • Touchstone Archive
    • HaikuLife Video Archive
    • HaikuNow! Archive
    • THF Features Archives
      • Book of the Week Archive
      • Per Diem Archive
      • re:Virals Archive
      • Haiku Windows Archive
      • Completed Renku Archive
      • Old Pond Comics Archive
      • In Search of Basho — The Complete Strip
  • Contribute
    • Donate
    • Gift Shop
  • Contact

The Haiku Foundation

No one initiates
the ceremony of morning
yet it exists.

-- Ricardo Martínez-Conde

You are here: Home / Renku Sessions / The Renku Sessions: Breathing In, Week 3

September 13, 2018 By John Stevenson 103 Comments

The Renku Sessions: Breathing In, Week 3

renku_300

Welcome to our ninth renku session under the sponsorship of The Haiku Foundation. This will be a Jûnichô (twelve verse) renku, under the guidance of John Stevenson.

Last week we invited offers for verse two – a springtime image, in two lines. Twenty-six poets responded, with seventy-eight verses. Here are some of those that received special attention. Note that these are not ranked but are in the order in which they were received:

the tulips’ slow bow
to the artists

                                    Liz Ann Winkler
(suggested by Polona Oblak)

This was discussed in replies at the time. And, if I remember correctly, Linda Papanicolaou showed us, in the previous session, that material that was not used earlier can be retrieved for later use.

a blossom rain fills
tomorrow’s forecast

                                     Michael Henry Lee

“Blossom rain” is a traditional late spring seasonal image (kigo). The poet is having some fun with the tradition by turning the expectations of renku poets of the past into a surprising forecast of tomorrow. The cherry blossom petals might be expected to fill a begging bowl, a Buddha’s lap, or some other physical object. But no – they fill a possible future.

a mallow flower linked
to Bashō’s horse

                                    Lorin Ford

For several days, I thought that this would be my selection. Although Lorin presented it as “can’t resist,” suggesting that it was more for fun than for serious consideration, I loved the idea of putting a literary allusion in this position. The delicate scent of the hokku would be followed by the chomping sense of taste of a horse. And I liked the cheeky use of “linked” in this verse. But at least one of the sources I rely upon for English-language kigo (Haiku World, by William J. Higginson) lists “mallow” as an “all summer” kigo. There may be other sources that say something different but I didn’t find them. And I have a good alternative selection (see below).

already a host
of daffodils

                                    Marion Clarke

Another literary allusion and, presuming that Marion knows that the second verse (wakiku) is traditionally written by the host of the session, an enjoyable play on words. Also, “already” moves us forward and reflects the fact that our movement in so short a renku is likely to be rapid.

a pussy willow
stuck up her nose

                                    Liz Ann Winkler

I commented on this one as soon as it came in. The late, long-term Modern Haiku editor, Bob Spiess suggested that the humor of a haiku might make a reader smile but probably not laugh. This verse, taken with the hokku, made me laugh out loud. But we probably don’t want to have that effect so close to the beginning of our renku. We will certainly welcome it later.

tap of [a]small beak
breaking the shell

                                    Pauline O’Carolan

This one is a close link and shift. To the subtle scent of new growth, we add the subtle sound of new life beginning. And both of them “in the trees.” It also serves to instigate the forward movement of our renku by suggesting the moment of breaking out of a shell into the wider world.

prolific cherry trees
designed to impress

                                                Barbara A. Taylor

We wouldn’t want the last line of the hokku and the first line of the following verse to both contain the word “trees” but this verse, with its suggestion of “sic gloria transit mundi,” seems promising and could have been modified easily without losing that element.

all the potholes
filled with cherry petals

                                                Chris Patchel

See my comments about “blossom rain,” above. This one also plays with our expectations. Instead of switching from a physical landing place to a speculative future, it offers a particular and novel physical reality. And so many thoughts proceed from this choice. Where I live, this could be taken to sum up the entire spring season. And if we consider the road with potholes to be the renku path we are to travel, this idea of potholes filled with cherry petals is just the sort of light humor with which I hope we will progress.

 

OUR SECOND VERSE:

 

a pollen-covered bee’s
waggle dance

                                    Polona Oblak

What was a wisp of scent in the hokku, a suggestion that spring has arrived, becomes a fulfillment of that promise in verse two. The bee says, “I know where the flowers are. Here are the directions. Follow me!”

Various renku poets will have opinions about rhyming (trees/bees) as a linking strategy. My opinion varies with the specifics. Clearly, I like the effect here.

Intriguingly, this verse does not count as our blossom verse since no particular blossom is implied or specified. That’s not a problem in this format, which leaves us free to place our blossom verse in any season. So, I will ask for a specific blossom image later in the renku, probably when we get to the summer verse. One of the pleasures of renku is seeing how choices made now affect what will happen later.

 

REQUIREMENTS FOR OUR NEXT VERSE

  • Non-seasonal (no kigo)
  • Three lines
  • Linking with verse two but not, in any way, with the first verse (hokku). The linking here should be less close. This verse launches us into the wider associations that will fill our renku world.
  • An indoor image, probably focusing on human beings (but not a love verse – that will be verse four)

 

Another quote from Earl Miner’s Japanese Linked Poetry (Princeton University Press, 1979), which I am currently reading. This time, he is quoting Sōgi (1421 – 1502). “The essence of renga is to give a mind (kokoru) to that which lacks a mind, to give speech to that which cannot speak.

 

OUR RENKU, SO FAR

 

breathing in
scent of new growth
in the trees

                                    Shane Pruett

 

a pollen-covered bee’s
waggle dance

                                    Polona Oblak

 

Please use the “Leave a Reply” box, below, to submit your verse three offers. I will be reviewing them until the submission deadline of midnight, New York time, on Monday, September 17. My selection and commentary, together with an invitation for the fourth verse will appear here on Thursday, September 20.

I look forward to seeing your offers for the third verse!

John Stevenson

Filed Under: Renku Sessions Tagged With: Breathing In, John Stevenson, The Haiku Foundation, The Renku Sessions

Comments

  1. John Stevenson says

    September 18, 2018 at 8:21 am

    Thank you everybody. The deadline has passed and I will now get to work on what looks like a hard selection from among many promising offers.

    Reply
  2. Judt Shrode says

    September 17, 2018 at 10:57 pm

    the office buzz
    gets around
    in a blink

    Reply
  3. Carol Ann Palomba says

    September 17, 2018 at 10:38 pm

    in silence
    he interprets the joy
    in her hands

    Reply
  4. Chris Patchel says

    September 17, 2018 at 10:25 pm

    his logo design
    under revision
    by the committee
    .
    his logo design
    under review
    by the committee

    Reply
  5. Marietta McGregor says

    September 17, 2018 at 6:28 pm

    a Rosetta Stone
    needed to translate
    the office politics
    .

    Reply
  6. Agnes Eva Savich says

    September 17, 2018 at 5:27 pm

    the dog’s glee
    behind the door
    as the key turns
    *
    *
    her pout
    at the no
    to a mall trip

    Reply
  7. margherita petriccione says

    September 17, 2018 at 5:02 pm

    after the last trip
    a new stickers series
    on the fridge

    *
    in a ray of sunshine
    the half-tips ready
    for the afternoon lesson

    Reply
  8. Victor Ortiz says

    September 17, 2018 at 4:34 pm

    all the kids
    help mom clean
    the louver windows
    .
    a new mother
    rocks her little girl
    in her arms
    .
    the lullaby
    of a new mother
    to her little girl

    Reply
  9. Betty Shropshire says

    September 17, 2018 at 3:48 pm

    notwithstanding
    the sting of years
    as her amanuensis

    Reply
  10. carol jones says

    September 17, 2018 at 12:49 pm

    cleans away
    his inertia
    with a feather duster

    Reply
  11. Ann Rawson says

    September 17, 2018 at 12:03 pm

    the little ballerina
    wipes her sticky fingers
    on my hand

    Reply
  12. John Stevenson says

    September 17, 2018 at 9:38 am

    This is going very well and I certainly have plenty to choose from already. Many of the current links are “word based” – linking to the idea of bees, hives, honey, etc. This is fine and we will be using word based links at times during our renku but I’m hoping also, in this final day, to see some more offers that link on the basis of how you felt about the image in Polona’s verse. I, for instance, felt “tickled” about the funny ways we communicate. And I felt impressed and humble to realize that we humans are not the sole proprietors of language skills – in fact many other creatures seem to have had language long before there were any human beings.

    Reply
  13. Betty Shropshire says

    September 17, 2018 at 7:52 am

    here is your order
    for espresso and two scones
    with some honey

    Reply
  14. Lorin Ford says

    September 16, 2018 at 9:46 pm

    a pollen-covered bee’s
    waggle dance — Polona Oblak
    .

    everyone’s gaze
    on the girl with the golden
    g-string
    .
    – Lorin

    Reply
  15. Lorin Ford says

    September 16, 2018 at 7:23 pm

    a pollen-covered bee’s
    waggle dance — Polona Oblak
    .
    our lecturer
    on convergence science
    explaining ‘hive mind’
    .
    ‘synergy’
    was the boss’s buzz word
    until the merger
    .
    – Lorin

    Reply
  16. Victor Ortiz says

    September 16, 2018 at 7:06 pm

    mom’s apron
    churns
    in the washer

    Reply
  17. carol jones says

    September 16, 2018 at 1:24 pm

    candidates glide
    across the polished
    ballroom floor

    Reply
  18. m. shane pruett says

    September 16, 2018 at 12:47 pm

    I love the waggle dance Polona! Perfect. So many great responses already for the next verse.
    My own responses to the week’s prompt:

    1.
    a happy child
    face covered in honey
    and smiles

    2.
    fresh bread and face
    covered in honey
    my daughter grins

    3.
    spontaneous dance
    in a kitchen fragrant
    with dinner rhythms

    Reply
    • shane pruett says

      September 16, 2018 at 12:51 pm

      As I sent that I realized in the third verse I don’t want to repeat “dance” from Polona’s verse above. I would revise that to:

      spontaneous samba
      in a kitchen fragrant
      with dinner rhythms

      Reply
  19. Pauline O'Carolan says

    September 16, 2018 at 3:07 am

    The bee’s waggle dance – terrific image, Polona.
    …
    Verse !:
    …
    Audrey was so elegant
    in her little black dress
    and up-do
    …
    Verse 2:
    …
    Russian tourists
    visiting Salisbury Cathedral
    mislay their perfume bottle
    …
    Verse 3:
    …
    he sniffs incessantly
    while playing the bagpipes
    and doing the Highland fling

    Reply
    • carol jones says

      September 16, 2018 at 7:41 am

      That second verse, Pauline 🙂 🙂

      Reply
    • polona oblak says

      September 16, 2018 at 10:25 am

      thanks a lot, Pauline!

      Reply
  20. sandra says

    September 16, 2018 at 2:10 am

    breathing in
    scent of new growth
    in the trees
    .
    a pollen-covered bee’s
    waggle dance
    .
    the refrigerator’s
    hum ends with a rattle
    all night
    .
    – Sandra Simpson

    Reply
    • Sandra says

      September 17, 2018 at 6:20 am

      all night
      the refrigerator’s hum
      ends with a rattle
      .
      Sandra

      Reply
  21. carol jones says

    September 16, 2018 at 1:48 am

    her amber beads
    glow within
    the jewellery box

    Reply
  22. sandra says

    September 15, 2018 at 7:35 pm

    breathing in
    scent of new growth
    in the trees
    .
    a pollen-covered bee’s
    waggle dance
    .
    a rustle of paper
    as I check his pockets
    for the laundry
    .
    – Sandra Simpson

    Reply
    • sandra says

      September 16, 2018 at 2:04 am

      a rustle of paper
      as I check pockets
      for the laundry

      Reply
  23. Angiola Inglese says

    September 15, 2018 at 5:10 pm

    two lines
    of honey jars
    in the belief
    —————–
    my kleenex
    It has the vanilla flavor
    of the lip gloss

    Reply
  24. Betty Shropshire says

    September 15, 2018 at 2:54 pm

    the old soft shoe
    carried to his master
    after much cajoling

    Reply
  25. Chris Patchel says

    September 15, 2018 at 2:39 pm

    and now a stamp
    for Venezuela
    added to her passport

    Reply
    • Chris Patchel says

      September 15, 2018 at 3:49 pm

      how many
      passport pages
      might I need?

      Reply
  26. Chris Patchel says

    September 15, 2018 at 2:36 pm

    postal stamps
    from overseas
    for his collection

    Reply
    • Chris Patchel says

      September 16, 2018 at 1:44 pm

      another stamp
      from overseas
      for his collection

      Reply
  27. Betty Shropshire says

    September 15, 2018 at 2:20 pm

    must we bow
    to that blatherskite
    and his sidekick?

    Reply
  28. Betty Shropshire says

    September 15, 2018 at 12:44 pm

    marble busts
    from the same quarry
    as these on display

    Reply
  29. Judt Shrode says

    September 15, 2018 at 1:03 am

    TV drone footage
    of lava spumes
    in darkness

    Reply
  30. Judt Shrode says

    September 14, 2018 at 11:23 pm

    his drone
    scoping out the best spot
    for a grow-op
    .
    .
    A ‘couldn’t resist’ moment. Apologies.

    Reply
  31. Barbara A. Taylor says

    September 14, 2018 at 9:25 pm

    Congrats, Polona!

    *

    frantically preparing
    for mother’s visit
    this long weekend

    *

    before guests arrive
    her brand new tablecloth
    stained by gold dust

    *

    just one short whistle
    and her old dog returns
    to the kennel

    *

    one, two, three,
    around the kitchen
    hugging her new broom

    Reply
    • polona oblak says

      September 16, 2018 at 10:24 am

      thank you, Barbara!

      Reply
  32. Lorin Ford says

    September 14, 2018 at 7:52 pm

    a pollen-covered bee’s
    waggle dance
    – Polona Oblak
    .
    bawds of euphony
    swarming toward
    the open mic
    .
    – Lorin

    Reply
    • Lorin Ford says

      September 14, 2018 at 8:22 pm

      . . . on consideration, perhaps:
      .
      so many poets
      swarming toward
      the open mic
      .
      – Lorin

      Reply
  33. Lorin Ford says

    September 14, 2018 at 6:58 pm

    a pollen-covered bee’s
    waggle dance – Polona Oblak
    .
    so much lacquer
    needed to hold these
    teased-up hairstyles
    .
    – Lorin
    .
    (I woz a teenage hairdresser, in the ’60s)

    Reply
  34. Betty Shropshire says

    September 14, 2018 at 3:14 pm

    they say
    this amber pendant
    once adorned royalty

    Reply
  35. Vasile Moldovan says

    September 14, 2018 at 3:11 pm

    wide-open windows
    in the nick of time
    for morning gym

    ***
    changing the hangings
    I saw someone
    crossing the street

    Reply
  36. Betty Shropshire says

    September 14, 2018 at 12:02 pm

    every cubical
    abuzz
    with gossip
    .
    the drone
    of a vacuum
    outside his door
    .
    our resident
    code breaker
    sports his first mustache
    .
    assembly line workers
    humming
    old jitterbug tunes

    Reply
  37. Chris Patchel says

    September 14, 2018 at 11:50 am

    to take heed
    and evacuate
    or ride it out

    Reply
  38. Chris Patchel says

    September 14, 2018 at 11:44 am

    word salad
    after word salad
    his war on truth

    Reply
  39. Aparna Pathak says

    September 14, 2018 at 11:05 am

    Congratulations, Polona !

    unwrapping
    the toffee
    to calm the kid

    her hairs
    untangled
    for the fresh braid

    Reply
    • Aparna Pathak says

      September 14, 2018 at 11:07 am

      Ops….no space . Posting again

      Congratulations, Polona !

      unwrapping
      the toffee
      to calm the kid

      her hairs
      untangled
      for the fresh braid

      Reply
      • Lorin Ford says

        September 14, 2018 at 7:26 pm

        Hey, Aparna. 🙂 It’s not you, it’s the way the comments section is figured. When we want a space between lines, we have to put in a symbol . . . a dot, a dash, an asterisk, a plus symbol . .. anything.
        .
        I use a dot, as above and below.
        .
        – Lorin

        Reply
        • Aparna Pathak says

          September 15, 2018 at 8:23 am

          Thank you , Lorin. I will keep that in mind. ☺️

          Reply
    • polona oblak says

      September 16, 2018 at 10:23 am

      thanks, Aparna!

      Reply
  40. Devota Dailey says

    September 14, 2018 at 10:33 am

    memories planted
    each one patiently guided
    scrapbook

    Reply
  41. Carmen Sterba says

    September 14, 2018 at 10:08 am

    a pollen-covered bee’s
    waggle dance
    .
    Polona Oblak
    .
    the movements
    of a toddler’s first
    steps

    Reply
  42. Carmen Sterba says

    September 14, 2018 at 9:51 am

    a pollen-covered bee’s
    waggle dance
    .
    Polona Oblak
    .
    a dash of honey
    in the stir fry
    recipe

    Reply
    • Carmen Sterba says

      September 14, 2018 at 10:14 am

      second version
      .
      dash of honey
      in the stir-fry
      recipe

      Reply
  43. carol jones says

    September 14, 2018 at 2:06 am

    between smoke and dust
    the charlady
    coughing

    Reply
    • John Stevenson says

      September 14, 2018 at 9:31 am

      I’m going to keep bringing this up. By starting with a prepositional phrase (between smoke and dust), there is an automatic break in the verse. I think this comes up so often because of the instinctive urge to write a “stand alone” verse, which is our normal task when writing haiku. But a renku is not a haiku sequence. The verses, other than the hokku, do not consist of complete poems in themselves. They make a poem when read with the preceding verse.

      Reply
      • carol jones says

        September 14, 2018 at 11:45 am

        I’ll get the hang of it (hopefully) thank you John 🙂

        Reply
        • John Stevenson says

          September 14, 2018 at 3:38 pm

          I know you will, Carol. I’m putting this note in every so often because it’s likely to be relevant to anyone who is used to writing haiku and hasn’t done enough renga / renku to have this at the top of their list of considerations.

          Reply
          • carol jones says

            September 15, 2018 at 2:55 am

            A verbal rap on the knuckles never hurts 🙂

  44. Chris Patchel says

    September 13, 2018 at 9:50 pm

    please hold
    and your call will be answered
    by the next available agent
    .
    please listen carefully
    as our menu options
    have changed

    Reply
  45. Lorin Ford says

    September 13, 2018 at 9:34 pm

    a pollen-covered bee’s
    waggle dance — Polona Oblak
    .

    “fake news!”, cries
    the canary-colored
    comb over
    .
    – Lorin

    Reply
    • Lorin Ford says

      September 13, 2018 at 9:39 pm

      “fake news!”
      cries the canary-colored
      comb over
      .
      – Lorin

      Reply
      • Marion Clarke says

        September 14, 2018 at 5:17 am

        Hahahaha, Lorin! 🙂

        Reply
        • Lorin Ford says

          September 14, 2018 at 7:11 pm

          . . . coudn’t help myself, Marion. Such are associations. 🙂 I probably deserve a slap over the wrist.
          .
          – Lorin

          Reply
  46. sandra says

    September 13, 2018 at 9:12 pm

    breathing in
    scent of new growth
    in the trees
    .
    a pollen-covered bee’s
    waggle dance
    .
    for the third time
    I adjust everything
    on the breakfast table
    .
    – Sandra Simpson

    Reply
  47. sandra says

    September 13, 2018 at 9:03 pm

    breathing in
    scent of new growth
    in the trees
    .
    a pollen-covered bee’s
    waggle dance
    .
    each swipe
    of the window in time to
    Van the Man

    – Sandra Simpson

    Reply
    • sandra says

      September 13, 2018 at 9:06 pm

      Doh! No proper nouns in this section. Apologies
      .
      – Sandra

      Reply
      • John Stevenson says

        September 13, 2018 at 10:47 pm

        No apology required. And I wouldn’t say no proper nouns allowed here.

        Reply
      • Lorin Ford says

        September 13, 2018 at 11:03 pm

        Hi Sandra,
        Where is that written? (no proper nouns in this section). I can’t see it in John’s instructions and I’m unaware of it as a general prohibition. I distinctly remember a Junicho where a verse with, not a proper noun but a proper name, so almost the same thing, was accepted (by JEC) for the daisan. The proper name was ‘Jazz Messengers’ and the person who wrote it was William Sorlien. I forget the title of the renku, though.
        .
        – Lorin

        Reply
        • Lorin Ford says

          September 13, 2018 at 11:06 pm

          Whoops…when I started, John hadn’t replied. I started looking for the renku I mean, but it was taking me too long, so I just came back & finished.
          .
          Still, I’d be interested to know where you found the “no proper nouns in this section” rule.
          .
          – Lorin

          Reply
          • sandra says

            September 14, 2018 at 2:01 am

            I’ve always taken the first section to be relatively ‘quiet’ – no war, no death, no current events … there are topics that shouldn’t be touched on. And I (personally) include in this most proper nouns …

            *And* it’s just struck me that we already have the tree-bee rhyme so my ‘Van the Man’ is also egregious on that point. Ha, only the third verse and already I can’t keep track. 🙂

          • Lorin Ford says

            September 14, 2018 at 7:16 pm

            Ah, I see where you’re coming from now, Sandra. Thanks.
            (It’s not a rule, though, as far as I know. I think it’s probably down to the individual sabaki)
            .
            -Lorin

  48. Michael Henry Lee says

    September 13, 2018 at 7:03 pm

    Nicely done Polona
    *****************
    Brue Lee.
    age eighteen cha cha king
    of Hong Kong
    ++++++++++++++++++++
    the latest sting operation
    nets some real big
    surprises
    ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
    comparing outburst
    of John Jimmy
    and Andre

    Reply
    • polona oblak says

      September 16, 2018 at 10:22 am

      thank you, Michael

      Reply
  49. Lorin Ford says

    September 13, 2018 at 6:24 pm

    Love that “waggle dance”, Polona. 🙂 Congratulations.
    .
    John, thanks for your (most unexpected!) comments on my ‘mallow flower’ verse. You’re right, of course, they do bloom in summer and I hadn’t at all expected the verse to be considered, just couldn’t help myself when it occurred to me. The new mallow plants are only beginning to pop up everywhere now, and won’t become big or flower for a while. When I see mallows these days, I think of Basho’s horse. 🙂 That horse had good sense. . . mallows are edible and full of vitamins and good minerals. I eat the leaves sometimes, done in a way that some European people taught me long ago, quickly braised with garlic.
    .
    I love Basho’s sense of humour in that verse of his. . . the poet about to compose upon a flower, his horse with the more practical horse sense.
    .

    a) Michinobe-no | mukuge | wa | uma | ni | kuware-keri

    b) Roadside | mallow | as-for| horse | by | was-eaten-keri

    c) Near the road it flowered, / the mallow—and by my horse / has been devoured!

    d) roadside flower / fated to be eaten / by my horse

    https://onmymynd.wordpress.com/2012/03/29/reflection-249-basho-again/

    .

    – Lorin

    Reply
    • polona oblak says

      September 16, 2018 at 10:21 am

      thanks, Lorin:)
      .
      not only is mallow edible, it also has medicinal properties and has been used as a cough remedy and for troubles with digestion

      Reply
  50. Judt Shrode says

    September 13, 2018 at 3:42 pm

    the DJ spinning
    oldies but goodies
    on their 50th

    Reply
    • Judt Shrode says

      September 13, 2018 at 4:13 pm

      A love verse 😑

      Reply
      • John Stevenson says

        September 13, 2018 at 5:28 pm

        Hold the thought. We will be starting a series of love verses next week.

        Reply
  51. Judt Shrode says

    September 13, 2018 at 2:34 pm

    butter melting
    on French toast
    in the sunlit kitchen

    Reply
  52. Liz Ann Winkler says

    September 13, 2018 at 1:09 pm

    Great choice, John. When I first saw Polana’s offering I knew it would be hard to let go. And thank you for your comments on mine. Here are this week’s offerings:

    *
    a consort of crumhorn*
    practice scales
    behind closed doors
    *
    the birthday table
    adorned with paper streamers
    of every colour
    *
    her china teacups
    filled with sweet tea
    and memories
    *
    https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Crumhorn

    Reply
  53. polona oblak says

    September 13, 2018 at 11:51 am

    wow, a nice surprise!
    thanks, John. will try to continue following the progress (can’t promise i’ll be around all the time)

    Reply
    • John Stevenson says

      September 13, 2018 at 5:24 pm

      Will always be glad to see what you can offer, whenever that works for you!

      Reply
  54. Marion Clarke says

    September 13, 2018 at 11:05 am

    the disco ball
    reflecting in every corner
    of the gymnasium

    Reply
  55. Peter Newton says

    September 13, 2018 at 10:41 am

    80th birthday
    glitter spills
    from her card

    Reply
    • John Stevenson says

      September 13, 2018 at 11:08 am

      Welcome, Peter!
      .
      Can you revise this to eliminate the break after line one? There should be no internal breaks in the renku verses other than the hokku.

      Reply
      • Peter Newton says

        September 13, 2018 at 8:53 pm

        more like this:

        glitter spills
        from her 80th
        birthday card

        Reply
        • John Stevenson says

          September 13, 2018 at 10:45 pm

          Yes, tha’s the idea. Thanks!

          Reply
  56. Marion Clarke says

    September 13, 2018 at 10:31 am

    the toddler takes
    her first steps
    with Beyoncé

    Reply
    • Marion Clarke says

      September 13, 2018 at 11:02 am

      or perhaps…
      .
      the toddler
      takes her first steps
      with Beyoncé

      Reply
    • Liz Ann Winkler says

      September 13, 2018 at 5:13 pm

      The toddler in her diapers making her moves just cracks me up in its reference to the bee dance.

      Reply
      • Marion Clarke says

        September 14, 2018 at 1:47 pm

        I remember seeing a YouTube video in which a tot was trying to copy her moves, Liz! 🙂

        Reply
  57. Marion Clarke says

    September 13, 2018 at 10:20 am

    Grandma hums
    as she fries the eggs
    sunny side up

    Reply
  58. Marion Clarke says

    September 13, 2018 at 9:59 am

    he decides
    on a striped shirt
    for the reunion

    Reply
  59. Marina Bellini says

    September 13, 2018 at 9:54 am

    lovely choice; here my verses

    from a dirty glass
    she watches the world
    moving on

    ***
    the violins
    of Vivaldi’s “Four seasons”
    from an old vinyl

    Reply
    • John Stevenson says

      September 13, 2018 at 10:16 am

      I’m probably going to be saying this a lot. There should be no grammatical breaks in any of the renku verses other than the hokku (first verse). By starting with a prepositional phrase (“from a dirty glass”) you guarantee a break. The second offer, with a prepositional phrase at the end, does not have this problem.
      .
      What we are doing now is making a new poem each time, consisting of the previous verse and a new one. The break, turn, change of direction in that verse occurs between the old verse and the new one.

      Reply
      • Marina Bellini says

        September 13, 2018 at 11:36 am

        thank you for your comment and sorry for my mistakes due to habits, so please just discard my entry

        Reply
        • John Stevenson says

          September 13, 2018 at 5:19 pm

          I’m hanging on to your second offer and hope you will send several more, soon!

          Reply
  60. carol jones says

    September 13, 2018 at 9:33 am

    This is lovely, Polona, congratulations. When I first read this verse it made me 🙂

    Reply
    • Marion Clarke says

      September 13, 2018 at 9:41 am

      Same here, Carol!
      .
      Well done, Polona. 🙂
      .
      marion

      Reply
    • polona oblak says

      September 13, 2018 at 11:46 am

      thanks, ladies, appreciate it 🙂

      Reply

Leave a Reply to sandra Cancel reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Consider a Donation

If you like what we’ve been doing, please consider donating to The Haiku Foundation to enable us to continue and expand our work. You can do so from our Gift Shop or our Donate page.

Get Our Blog Posts by Email

Click to Subscribe

The Haiku Foundation

Our mission is to archive our first century of English-language haiku; to expand possibilities for our second; and to seek active exchange with other haiku languages and cultures around the world.

SITE INDEX

Write Us

Contact

Get Our Blog Posts by Email

Click to Subscribe

FOLLOW US

Categories

Site Secured By: Website Guardian
Site Maintained By: Computer Geek


All content that is generated by the Foundation is copyright © 2008-2019 by The Haiku Foundation. All rights reserved.
All views expressed on The Haiku Foundation web site are the views of the authors. They are not necessarily the views of The Haiku Foundation.