Welcome to our ninth renku session under the sponsorship of The Haiku Foundation. This will be a Jûnichô (twelve verse) renku, under the guidance of John Stevenson.
Last week we invited offers for verse two – a springtime image, in two lines. Twenty-six poets responded, with seventy-eight verses. Here are some of those that received special attention. Note that these are not ranked but are in the order in which they were received:
the tulips’ slow bow
to the artists
Liz Ann Winkler
(suggested by Polona Oblak)
This was discussed in replies at the time. And, if I remember correctly, Linda Papanicolaou showed us, in the previous session, that material that was not used earlier can be retrieved for later use.
a blossom rain fills
tomorrow’s forecast
Michael Henry Lee
“Blossom rain” is a traditional late spring seasonal image (kigo). The poet is having some fun with the tradition by turning the expectations of renku poets of the past into a surprising forecast of tomorrow. The cherry blossom petals might be expected to fill a begging bowl, a Buddha’s lap, or some other physical object. But no – they fill a possible future.
a mallow flower linked
to Bashō’s horse
Lorin Ford
For several days, I thought that this would be my selection. Although Lorin presented it as “can’t resist,” suggesting that it was more for fun than for serious consideration, I loved the idea of putting a literary allusion in this position. The delicate scent of the hokku would be followed by the chomping sense of taste of a horse. And I liked the cheeky use of “linked” in this verse. But at least one of the sources I rely upon for English-language kigo (Haiku World, by William J. Higginson) lists “mallow” as an “all summer” kigo. There may be other sources that say something different but I didn’t find them. And I have a good alternative selection (see below).
already a host
of daffodils
Marion Clarke
Another literary allusion and, presuming that Marion knows that the second verse (wakiku) is traditionally written by the host of the session, an enjoyable play on words. Also, “already” moves us forward and reflects the fact that our movement in so short a renku is likely to be rapid.
a pussy willow
stuck up her nose
Liz Ann Winkler
I commented on this one as soon as it came in. The late, long-term Modern Haiku editor, Bob Spiess suggested that the humor of a haiku might make a reader smile but probably not laugh. This verse, taken with the hokku, made me laugh out loud. But we probably don’t want to have that effect so close to the beginning of our renku. We will certainly welcome it later.
tap of [a]small beak
breaking the shell
Pauline O’Carolan
This one is a close link and shift. To the subtle scent of new growth, we add the subtle sound of new life beginning. And both of them “in the trees.” It also serves to instigate the forward movement of our renku by suggesting the moment of breaking out of a shell into the wider world.
prolific cherry trees
designed to impress
Barbara A. Taylor
We wouldn’t want the last line of the hokku and the first line of the following verse to both contain the word “trees” but this verse, with its suggestion of “sic gloria transit mundi,” seems promising and could have been modified easily without losing that element.
all the potholes
filled with cherry petals
Chris Patchel
See my comments about “blossom rain,” above. This one also plays with our expectations. Instead of switching from a physical landing place to a speculative future, it offers a particular and novel physical reality. And so many thoughts proceed from this choice. Where I live, this could be taken to sum up the entire spring season. And if we consider the road with potholes to be the renku path we are to travel, this idea of potholes filled with cherry petals is just the sort of light humor with which I hope we will progress.
OUR SECOND VERSE:
a pollen-covered bee’s
waggle dance
Polona Oblak
What was a wisp of scent in the hokku, a suggestion that spring has arrived, becomes a fulfillment of that promise in verse two. The bee says, “I know where the flowers are. Here are the directions. Follow me!”
Various renku poets will have opinions about rhyming (trees/bees) as a linking strategy. My opinion varies with the specifics. Clearly, I like the effect here.
Intriguingly, this verse does not count as our blossom verse since no particular blossom is implied or specified. That’s not a problem in this format, which leaves us free to place our blossom verse in any season. So, I will ask for a specific blossom image later in the renku, probably when we get to the summer verse. One of the pleasures of renku is seeing how choices made now affect what will happen later.
REQUIREMENTS FOR OUR NEXT VERSE
- Non-seasonal (no kigo)
- Three lines
- Linking with verse two but not, in any way, with the first verse (hokku). The linking here should be less close. This verse launches us into the wider associations that will fill our renku world.
- An indoor image, probably focusing on human beings (but not a love verse – that will be verse four)
Another quote from Earl Miner’s Japanese Linked Poetry (Princeton University Press, 1979), which I am currently reading. This time, he is quoting Sōgi (1421 – 1502). “The essence of renga is to give a mind (kokoru) to that which lacks a mind, to give speech to that which cannot speak.
OUR RENKU, SO FAR
breathing in
scent of new growth
in the trees
Shane Pruett
a pollen-covered bee’s
waggle dance
Polona Oblak
Please use the “Leave a Reply” box, below, to submit your verse three offers. I will be reviewing them until the submission deadline of midnight, New York time, on Monday, September 17. My selection and commentary, together with an invitation for the fourth verse will appear here on Thursday, September 20.
I look forward to seeing your offers for the third verse!
John Stevenson
Thank you everybody. The deadline has passed and I will now get to work on what looks like a hard selection from among many promising offers.
the office buzz
gets around
in a blink
in silence
he interprets the joy
in her hands
his logo design
under revision
by the committee
.
his logo design
under review
by the committee
a Rosetta Stone
needed to translate
the office politics
.
the dog’s glee
behind the door
as the key turns
*
*
her pout
at the no
to a mall trip
after the last trip
a new stickers series
on the fridge
*
in a ray of sunshine
the half-tips ready
for the afternoon lesson
all the kids
help mom clean
the louver windows
.
a new mother
rocks her little girl
in her arms
.
the lullaby
of a new mother
to her little girl
notwithstanding
the sting of years
as her amanuensis
cleans away
his inertia
with a feather duster
the little ballerina
wipes her sticky fingers
on my hand
This is going very well and I certainly have plenty to choose from already. Many of the current links are “word based” – linking to the idea of bees, hives, honey, etc. This is fine and we will be using word based links at times during our renku but I’m hoping also, in this final day, to see some more offers that link on the basis of how you felt about the image in Polona’s verse. I, for instance, felt “tickled” about the funny ways we communicate. And I felt impressed and humble to realize that we humans are not the sole proprietors of language skills – in fact many other creatures seem to have had language long before there were any human beings.
here is your order
for espresso and two scones
with some honey
a pollen-covered bee’s
waggle dance — Polona Oblak
.
everyone’s gaze
on the girl with the golden
g-string
.
– Lorin
a pollen-covered bee’s
waggle dance — Polona Oblak
.
our lecturer
on convergence science
explaining ‘hive mind’
.
‘synergy’
was the boss’s buzz word
until the merger
.
– Lorin
mom’s apron
churns
in the washer
candidates glide
across the polished
ballroom floor
I love the waggle dance Polona! Perfect. So many great responses already for the next verse.
My own responses to the week’s prompt:
1.
a happy child
face covered in honey
and smiles
2.
fresh bread and face
covered in honey
my daughter grins
3.
spontaneous dance
in a kitchen fragrant
with dinner rhythms
As I sent that I realized in the third verse I don’t want to repeat “dance” from Polona’s verse above. I would revise that to:
spontaneous samba
in a kitchen fragrant
with dinner rhythms
The bee’s waggle dance – terrific image, Polona.
…
Verse !:
…
Audrey was so elegant
in her little black dress
and up-do
…
Verse 2:
…
Russian tourists
visiting Salisbury Cathedral
mislay their perfume bottle
…
Verse 3:
…
he sniffs incessantly
while playing the bagpipes
and doing the Highland fling
That second verse, Pauline 🙂 🙂
thanks a lot, Pauline!
breathing in
scent of new growth
in the trees
.
a pollen-covered bee’s
waggle dance
.
the refrigerator’s
hum ends with a rattle
all night
.
– Sandra Simpson
all night
the refrigerator’s hum
ends with a rattle
.
Sandra
her amber beads
glow within
the jewellery box
breathing in
scent of new growth
in the trees
.
a pollen-covered bee’s
waggle dance
.
a rustle of paper
as I check his pockets
for the laundry
.
– Sandra Simpson
a rustle of paper
as I check pockets
for the laundry
two lines
of honey jars
in the belief
—————–
my kleenex
It has the vanilla flavor
of the lip gloss
the old soft shoe
carried to his master
after much cajoling
and now a stamp
for Venezuela
added to her passport
how many
passport pages
might I need?
postal stamps
from overseas
for his collection
another stamp
from overseas
for his collection
must we bow
to that blatherskite
and his sidekick?
marble busts
from the same quarry
as these on display
TV drone footage
of lava spumes
in darkness
his drone
scoping out the best spot
for a grow-op
.
.
A ‘couldn’t resist’ moment. Apologies.
Congrats, Polona!
*
frantically preparing
for mother’s visit
this long weekend
*
before guests arrive
her brand new tablecloth
stained by gold dust
*
just one short whistle
and her old dog returns
to the kennel
*
one, two, three,
around the kitchen
hugging her new broom
thank you, Barbara!
a pollen-covered bee’s
waggle dance
– Polona Oblak
.
bawds of euphony
swarming toward
the open mic
.
– Lorin
. . . on consideration, perhaps:
.
so many poets
swarming toward
the open mic
.
– Lorin
a pollen-covered bee’s
waggle dance – Polona Oblak
.
so much lacquer
needed to hold these
teased-up hairstyles
.
– Lorin
.
(I woz a teenage hairdresser, in the ’60s)
they say
this amber pendant
once adorned royalty
wide-open windows
in the nick of time
for morning gym
***
changing the hangings
I saw someone
crossing the street
every cubical
abuzz
with gossip
.
the drone
of a vacuum
outside his door
.
our resident
code breaker
sports his first mustache
.
assembly line workers
humming
old jitterbug tunes
to take heed
and evacuate
or ride it out
word salad
after word salad
his war on truth
Congratulations, Polona !
unwrapping
the toffee
to calm the kid
her hairs
untangled
for the fresh braid
Ops….no space . Posting again
Congratulations, Polona !
unwrapping
the toffee
to calm the kid
her hairs
untangled
for the fresh braid
Hey, Aparna. 🙂 It’s not you, it’s the way the comments section is figured. When we want a space between lines, we have to put in a symbol . . . a dot, a dash, an asterisk, a plus symbol . .. anything.
.
I use a dot, as above and below.
.
– Lorin
Thank you , Lorin. I will keep that in mind. ☺️
thanks, Aparna!
memories planted
each one patiently guided
scrapbook
a pollen-covered bee’s
waggle dance
.
Polona Oblak
.
the movements
of a toddler’s first
steps
a pollen-covered bee’s
waggle dance
.
Polona Oblak
.
a dash of honey
in the stir fry
recipe
second version
.
dash of honey
in the stir-fry
recipe
between smoke and dust
the charlady
coughing
I’m going to keep bringing this up. By starting with a prepositional phrase (between smoke and dust), there is an automatic break in the verse. I think this comes up so often because of the instinctive urge to write a “stand alone” verse, which is our normal task when writing haiku. But a renku is not a haiku sequence. The verses, other than the hokku, do not consist of complete poems in themselves. They make a poem when read with the preceding verse.
I’ll get the hang of it (hopefully) thank you John 🙂
I know you will, Carol. I’m putting this note in every so often because it’s likely to be relevant to anyone who is used to writing haiku and hasn’t done enough renga / renku to have this at the top of their list of considerations.
A verbal rap on the knuckles never hurts 🙂
please hold
and your call will be answered
by the next available agent
.
please listen carefully
as our menu options
have changed
a pollen-covered bee’s
waggle dance — Polona Oblak
.
“fake news!”, cries
the canary-colored
comb over
.
– Lorin
“fake news!”
cries the canary-colored
comb over
.
– Lorin
Hahahaha, Lorin! 🙂
. . . coudn’t help myself, Marion. Such are associations. 🙂 I probably deserve a slap over the wrist.
.
– Lorin
breathing in
scent of new growth
in the trees
.
a pollen-covered bee’s
waggle dance
.
for the third time
I adjust everything
on the breakfast table
.
– Sandra Simpson
breathing in
scent of new growth
in the trees
.
a pollen-covered bee’s
waggle dance
.
each swipe
of the window in time to
Van the Man
– Sandra Simpson
Doh! No proper nouns in this section. Apologies
.
– Sandra
No apology required. And I wouldn’t say no proper nouns allowed here.
Hi Sandra,
Where is that written? (no proper nouns in this section). I can’t see it in John’s instructions and I’m unaware of it as a general prohibition. I distinctly remember a Junicho where a verse with, not a proper noun but a proper name, so almost the same thing, was accepted (by JEC) for the daisan. The proper name was ‘Jazz Messengers’ and the person who wrote it was William Sorlien. I forget the title of the renku, though.
.
– Lorin
Whoops…when I started, John hadn’t replied. I started looking for the renku I mean, but it was taking me too long, so I just came back & finished.
.
Still, I’d be interested to know where you found the “no proper nouns in this section” rule.
.
– Lorin
I’ve always taken the first section to be relatively ‘quiet’ – no war, no death, no current events … there are topics that shouldn’t be touched on. And I (personally) include in this most proper nouns …
*And* it’s just struck me that we already have the tree-bee rhyme so my ‘Van the Man’ is also egregious on that point. Ha, only the third verse and already I can’t keep track. 🙂
Ah, I see where you’re coming from now, Sandra. Thanks.
(It’s not a rule, though, as far as I know. I think it’s probably down to the individual sabaki)
.
-Lorin
Nicely done Polona
*****************
Brue Lee.
age eighteen cha cha king
of Hong Kong
++++++++++++++++++++
the latest sting operation
nets some real big
surprises
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
comparing outburst
of John Jimmy
and Andre
thank you, Michael
Love that “waggle dance”, Polona. 🙂 Congratulations.
.
John, thanks for your (most unexpected!) comments on my ‘mallow flower’ verse. You’re right, of course, they do bloom in summer and I hadn’t at all expected the verse to be considered, just couldn’t help myself when it occurred to me. The new mallow plants are only beginning to pop up everywhere now, and won’t become big or flower for a while. When I see mallows these days, I think of Basho’s horse. 🙂 That horse had good sense. . . mallows are edible and full of vitamins and good minerals. I eat the leaves sometimes, done in a way that some European people taught me long ago, quickly braised with garlic.
.
I love Basho’s sense of humour in that verse of his. . . the poet about to compose upon a flower, his horse with the more practical horse sense.
.
a) Michinobe-no | mukuge | wa | uma | ni | kuware-keri
b) Roadside | mallow | as-for| horse | by | was-eaten-keri
c) Near the road it flowered, / the mallow—and by my horse / has been devoured!
d) roadside flower / fated to be eaten / by my horse
https://onmymynd.wordpress.com/2012/03/29/reflection-249-basho-again/
.
– Lorin
thanks, Lorin:)
.
not only is mallow edible, it also has medicinal properties and has been used as a cough remedy and for troubles with digestion
the DJ spinning
oldies but goodies
on their 50th
A love verse 😑
Hold the thought. We will be starting a series of love verses next week.
butter melting
on French toast
in the sunlit kitchen
Great choice, John. When I first saw Polana’s offering I knew it would be hard to let go. And thank you for your comments on mine. Here are this week’s offerings:
*
a consort of crumhorn*
practice scales
behind closed doors
*
the birthday table
adorned with paper streamers
of every colour
*
her china teacups
filled with sweet tea
and memories
*
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Crumhorn
wow, a nice surprise!
thanks, John. will try to continue following the progress (can’t promise i’ll be around all the time)
Will always be glad to see what you can offer, whenever that works for you!
the disco ball
reflecting in every corner
of the gymnasium
80th birthday
glitter spills
from her card
Welcome, Peter!
.
Can you revise this to eliminate the break after line one? There should be no internal breaks in the renku verses other than the hokku.
more like this:
glitter spills
from her 80th
birthday card
Yes, tha’s the idea. Thanks!
the toddler takes
her first steps
with Beyoncé
or perhaps…
.
the toddler
takes her first steps
with Beyoncé
The toddler in her diapers making her moves just cracks me up in its reference to the bee dance.
I remember seeing a YouTube video in which a tot was trying to copy her moves, Liz! 🙂
Grandma hums
as she fries the eggs
sunny side up
he decides
on a striped shirt
for the reunion
lovely choice; here my verses
from a dirty glass
she watches the world
moving on
***
the violins
of Vivaldi’s “Four seasons”
from an old vinyl
I’m probably going to be saying this a lot. There should be no grammatical breaks in any of the renku verses other than the hokku (first verse). By starting with a prepositional phrase (“from a dirty glass”) you guarantee a break. The second offer, with a prepositional phrase at the end, does not have this problem.
.
What we are doing now is making a new poem each time, consisting of the previous verse and a new one. The break, turn, change of direction in that verse occurs between the old verse and the new one.
thank you for your comment and sorry for my mistakes due to habits, so please just discard my entry
I’m hanging on to your second offer and hope you will send several more, soon!
This is lovely, Polona, congratulations. When I first read this verse it made me 🙂
Same here, Carol!
.
Well done, Polona. 🙂
.
marion
thanks, ladies, appreciate it 🙂